FROGS OR PRINCES ? -DOING THE TINDER DANCE

sausage

Traversing the dating network on the internet is a complicated business and if you are on more than one it’s just double the trouble. You can get lost for hours swiping left or right , answering emails and studying profile pictures with the precision of Sherlock Holmes.

I know that you are supposed to read about your perspective dates hobbies interests and whether he loves animals. But stuff that ! If the face grinning back at you doesn’t at least make you smile back then forget it! It won’t matter whether you have a similar likes or aspirations if his face doesn’t float your boat then you may as well stay on the shore. There has to be a flicker of physical interest at the very least. The charm and personality can follow quickly on, built hopefully on a mutual attraction.

This is why profile pictures are so important and that includes your own. I always keep mine up to date and have a few available to view. There is no point putting up a picture from ten years ago where you are wrinkle free and twenty pounds lighter..the look of disappointment on your new dates face as he first claps eyes on you will not only make for an uncomfortable start but also is a sure fire way to make sure date two never happens. It’s so hard to recover from the deceit.

I know I’ve said this before but beware the lonely solo picture..especially if it’s a really good one . Chances are it’s been downloaded from Google. But if they are really clever they put up two of the same model/actor that they have selected to be their disguise. This happened to me recently when I was clearly off my game!.

When I matched with this gorgeous hunk of manhood called Rob, complete with floppy fringe and azure blue eyes ..I thought ..yes please. I cautiously checked the profile and there was a second picture a very natural one in a living room..nothing untoward to get the alarm bells ringing. So when he messaged me and then followed that with a phone call I was pleasantly surprised by his charm and keenness to meet up for a drink .

When he phoned again and we chatted for ages I realised that during the whole conversation which lasted a while he had asked no direct questions about me. This was a bit strange. We were arranging to meet for lunch later in the week when the text questions started. What were my sexual preferences ? Was I in to this or that.? Again nothing unusual here ..the fantasies often preceded the reality. I answered him in code giving very little away. He then proceeded to instruct me about his preferences in choice of condoms ( thin ones of course) and enlightened me to,the fact he was a blow job man! I was just going to retort and what man isn’t? When he followed with “I’m very specific!  I will guide you!”

Now I was spooked! The saying you can’t teach an old dog new tricks..came temptingly to my fingers But so did the words What a bloody cheek!! who did this Adonis think he was FFS! god’s gift to womankind ? Full of indignation I countered with Really ??? He answered a simple and arrogant “yep!”

Deciding that I needed to do some checking I download his pictures onto my pc and ran them through the Google picture search app called Tin-eye.In a matter or seconds the page was awash with images of him including the two pictures he had used. Screaming out loud Gottcha! to no one in particular I read a bit about my would be lover. He was a well known model and his name was Arthur!. Unlikely then to be looking for an older woman on Tinder, or any woman come to that.

Skipping back to where my phone lay I sent him this message “it’s funny how when something seems to good to be true it usually isn’t!thanks for wasting my time!..Tin-eye is so useful, unless your name really is Arthur! and good luck with that blow job!..hope you’re double jointed with a bit of luck you will choke on your own dick!!

Feeling better and deciding that the Tinder box of tricks couldn’t strike me out twice in one week, I quickly arranged a date with another potential swipe who had been trying hard to pin me down but had been rather overshadowed by the illusion that was Arthur. At the end of our  first date when he looked down at me all floppy fringe and azure blue eyes my stomach lurched. When he kissed me hard, pinning me up against the wall and giving me the benefit of his amazing biceps my faith in the the art of internet dating was renewed.

It’s just such shame that we have to waste so much time eliminating the frogs..give us a kiss Freddy !!

frog

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