Keith Lemon,Divorced and Photoshoot with Fellow Cougars and a Witch (Part-One)

Sometimes my life gets so chaotic that I don’t draw breath for days and this has been one of those weeks. 

Having already arranged a girls night out at the local pubs and bars on Saturday and booked in a photoshoot for a magazine article on Monday I was  already flat out . Then dropping into my in box is the great news that I had tickets to see Keith Lemon in a new show he was doing. Excellent I thought something to look forward too.  Then I checked the date..well I would be looking forward to it for all of one day!! It was for this  Sunday, day after the girls night out and day before the shoot. I decided it was too good an opportunity to miss and having discussed it with my daughter we decided to go.  We would cope..hopefully.

Photoshoots fill me with excitement and dread. Its always the “What to wear ?” question that looms and having been instructed that no black was allowed I knew I would have to shop.  My most flattering dresses are Black  with one exception, a bright blue very clingy one that boasts so much cleavage I am in danger of losing an eye. I deemed that I did not want that published in a national magazine.. talking about my dalliances with younger men always provokes a mixed response..some good some bad and I didnt want to add fuel to the fire by wearing a dress that left nothing to the imagination. So my Saturday was spent rushing around the shops looking for a suitable dress on a limited budget. I enjoy shopping but hate trying things on. The lighting is alway so awful..every single bulge..dimple and dent seems to show up and thats if you can get into the bloody dress. Side zips are the bain of my life.  I can never ever do the buggers up without help and it usually involves a lot of squashing and pushing and deep breathing. Then of course there’s that bit of flesh just under your arm that gets caught Ouch!.. even with a helper its a nightmare. You get all  hot an bothered..and the curtain or whatever  is supposed to protect your dignity inevitably fails living you exposed to the rest of the shop ..red faced,  dress stuck above your head and your non matching underwear on display.

The dresses with the hidden support are brilliant but have you ever tried to get into them…near-on impossible. Its like getting into a wetsuit.  Bits of your face get stuck to it leaving lipstick all over the garment ..you pull one bit down and the other goes up..your hair gets caught up in the zip and your knickers get pushed down until everyone can see what you had for dinner..!!. Eventually I did purchase a nice jade green dress which ticked all the boxes ..what a relief…but it was so tiring.  Clutching my purchases I went home and eating a bit of dinner I flopped on the sofa for a nap.

Our night out was fun and I danced my stilletoes off ..eventually giving up the fight at 2am.  I woke up early about 9am or was it 10 as the clocks had gone back I was confused.  Unable to sleep in I thought the gym would be a good idea ..so off I went for a work-out and a swim and sauna. Dropping by my daughters flat for the usual post-mortem on the evening and cooking us all egg and bacon I went home to prepare dinner for Monday’s Halloween evening.  The plan was to leave for London at about 1pm.  Approving daughter horribly hungover despite the eggs and bacon pushed this back until 2pm and even then she was late. So off to London’s Southbank we went and spent a nice afternoon along the Thames finishing with a bit of Sausage and Mash in the nearby Slug and Lettuce.

It was a trek to the Studio and we got lost a number of times and when we  did  arrive there was a fairly big queue.  We waitied for an hour and an half and was really pleased to get in and get seated.  Mr Lemon as always was a scream and we had a fun and very energetic couple of hours. My daughter noticing the statement bandage that Keith always wears turned and asked me ? “I wonder what he has done” stifling a giggle I answered “Well he always wears that..and pointing to the big effigy of Keiths hand which was part of the set I said ” look.” It too was swathed in bandages..”she looked at me quizically ”   I knew there was a reason but I couldnt remember..so today I was able to bring her up to speed, google is a mine of useful information Apparantly its to prevent friction burns when hes is “W*****G  I emailed her.  Well of course ..what else ?!!!.

Up at 6 am I get prepared for my trip to the studio in Kennington. Trailing my carefully packed suitcase behind me I find the location and climbing the stairs I go to meet the team.I was pondering as I rang the bell that  today my divorce was being finalised and here I was doing another article about my love of toyboys ..some sort of  Irony there somewhere….

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