I was amused to read an article recently by Susan Quilliam the Author of (For those of us that can remember it) ‘The Joy of Sex’ a rewrite form the original 1972 version. According to the research that she had conducted us ‘Older Birds‘ can enjoy a full and active sex which was previously denied to earlier generations of women.
I read the article with a wry smile on my face thank god someone else was on the same page as me. She pointed out that age and experience were now seen as attractive qualities in women and that we were no longer past it once we hit our fifties. I felt like cheering from the roof tops..after all it’s what I’ve been going on about for the last five years and the proof is all laid out (as was I ) in my book. Recognition at last.!!.
I remember the book ‘The Joy of Sex‘ my best friends dad had it hidden in a cupboard and as budding adolescents we used to sneak it out and look at the pictures through our hands, giggling our heads off. I am not surprised that a woman has rewritten it and its about bloody time that women were on equal footing with men where sex was concerned. But are we ?
It’s true that contraception has freed us from unwanted pregnancies and let’s be honest before the birth of the pill unprotected sex resulted in pregnancy and the woman was vilified if she was unmarried and the evidence of her shameful wanton behaviour became a cross she had to bear as did the child she was carrying. . The man in the piece could walk away if he wanted totally unscathed. So yes we have moved on but I still don’t feel we are on totally even ground.
The times I have heard girls say that they were seeing some guy on a casual basis and that the sex was amazing but somehow they still felt used. It makes me as mad as hell!!.Do you think that the guy involved is wringing his hands in anguish worrying himself sick and boring all his friends by wailing “you dont think she’s just using me for sex do you” ? Of course not!! it sounds like what it is Bloody ridiculous!!
I was having a deep and meaningful conversation with a woman of a similar age at a party recently. She was of course married although it was hard to say whether that was a happy paring or not. She pounced on me having read some articles about my lifestyle and the younger men that I am lucky enough to enjoy and started quizzing me about my sex life.
Whilst she seemed genuinely interested I was aware she was looking for holes in my armour and when she introduced me to someone as “This is Gaynor she sleeps with anything that moves” I bristled and retorted “Actually they must have a pulse and be under forty too” and followed this up with a broad grin appearing unfazed by her obvious put-down. Having failed to rattle me she tried again uttering from under her disapproving eyebrows “But don’t you ever feel used ?”? Taking a deep breath I said “Used ? Never! and whose to say that I’m not the one using them.?”? She then muttered something about “Well I couldn’t do it” Funnily enough no one was asking her to!
So the Victorian attitude that only men are allowed to be free with their sexual favours seems to be alive and well and living in of all places the bosom of the sisterhood. We really are our own worst enemies sometimes. If women are enjoying a gratifying sex life is it still only because the men on the planet are allowing them to ?!.
My sexuality is as much a part of who I am as my hair colour and my smile. Just because I have chosen not to be in a committed relationship for a while (and who could blame me?) and want to enjoy my freedom in and out of the bedroom I am considered to be morally at fault. Not by the male of the species who totally understand the word ‘Sex drive’ but by womanhood at large who think that sex can only ever be enjoyed within a long-standing and committed relationship. Wrong!
This was further bought home to me this week by a Twitter Troll who decided that the only reason younger men had sex/relationships with me was because and I quote I am “Easy”! Do twentieth Century well-educated women still use words like that about their fellow kind ?. It beggars belief!! Sadly adding more weight to the argument that we have a long way to go before Woman and Men can share an equal platform where sex is concerned. Surprisingly it seems to be the female of the species that is stuck in the dark ages.
Maybe I should buy them all copy of ‘The Joy of Sex'</for Christmas…:) I may just put it on my list to Santa!