We have come to the conclusion of late that there is a shortage of men. Young, old, tall, short, fat or thin. any sort really as long as they are single. And by we I mean me and my single girlfriends. I know I’m not looking for anyone as in life partner (Ha when did that ever exist anyway) But the pool of eligible single men seems to be drying up.
I have single friends in all age groups and they are all moaning about it. Where have they all gone the bright shiny gorgeous men with good jobs and a brain cell or two. Have they been removed from the planet by aliens and are as we speak being used for experimentation ? Do they all hide under rocks when they see us coming ? When you are lucky enough to get the attention of a passing male and numbers are exchanged, Texts fly back and forth during the drunken evening and then in the morning there is a stony silence.
You wake up with hope in your heart that the dinner/drink date that you had discussed with the gorgeous specimen will materialise as planned and go to bed disillusioned, disappointed and hacked off!! In the morning they suddenly remember they have a girlfriend or a wife or six late night meetings in a row.!!
It could be worse of course, the one that actually continues to text the next day and even the next week and the date is arranged and then low and behold he goes down with man-flu or has to fly to Australia on business suddenly. I have heard every excuse from ailing Grandparents to sick Goldfish. Men never appreciate how long it takes a girl to be date ready and all we can hope for is that the let down comes early in the day before the laborious process has a chance to start.
And yet we keep on putting ourselves up for the let down and we live in perpetual hope that this time it will be different..this time he will want a date and actually intends to come. It just seems that the average eligible male is just not bothered about woman. Unless of course sex is on offer…if they can pop round for a quick shag then the difference in the pursuit is mind-blowing. Text replies are frequent and instantaneous. Soft words are used ‘Babe’, ‘ Hun’ and ‘Gorgeous’ all used to lower our guard. Questions like ” What you wearing ?” “Do you live alone ?” and the inevitable “Can you send me a pic ?” sigh…
If only such texts were changed into “when can I take you out” “would you like dinner” ” I will pick you up at eight” It would seem that today’s man doesn’t have time for the first date or even the second..Its just wham! bam! and not even thank you mam!!. But are we to blame ?
Since woman can also can be part of the love and leave em brigade maybe the poor twentieth century male is just confused about how to go about it these days. Can’t say I blame them sometimes they can’t do wrong for right and why oh why is it always the tricky bad boys that we all want. Mr Steady Eddy gets left by the wayside twiddling his thumbs while the one with a girl in every port has them queuing around the block!!
Of course there are exceptions to the rule and yes guys you know who you are! But you are a rare breed and we need more of you. The other problem is the ‘Gay’ fraternity. Don’t get me wrong I love a gay man most of us girls do! But with more and more going over to the other side and I have to say that they are often as ‘Fit as Fuck’ its leaving the collection of eligibles even thinner on the ground.
It must be hormones in the food change or something who knows. But all I know is that my hormones are still in good order and if my girlfriends and daughters who still have their biological clocks ticking have a hope in hell of meeting a nice guy with which to mate they better bloody well hurry up. So as I said Single man reveal yourself and please form and orderly queue. I have some beautiful women to introduce you to My email address is email@example.com feel free to apply.
In the meantime I am looking forward to a fun packed December and with social events coming out of my ears I’m hoping that we may all the meet the man of our dreams and desires even if its only for a five minute snog. I think I’m going to get some mistletoe and beat my all time Christmas kissing record!.. Sadly I don’t think any of the lips I enjoy will be of the Irish variety.And just to add insult to injury the superb John Lewis advert is playing again and if ever there was a reminder that it’s another Christmas alone in the Tinsel trenches then that’s it. I’d even settle for the Snowman at least he’s got a big carrot!
My book ‘Sex and The Signposts’ is available on Amazon and will make a great stocking filler for grown-ups only.