Sorry cant make it…my Budgie is sick…

Since my excursion in the world of playing “Mrs Robinson” I have had one thing hammered home with unswerving regularity…Toyboys are with our doubt the most unreliable of the species.  I have heard more excuses than the number of hair extensions on my head.  Top of the list has to be “I lost my phone” followed by “man flu” .  Followed by “I fell asleep” or  “My mum is  sick” ! To be fair I have never been stood up…I usually leave the door ajar enough to give them an opportunity to duck out. But it is so mind numbingly annoying.  I spend so much time agonising over will he ? wont he ? .  I don’t mind as much if I get an early lodge but once I have started the “getting ready process” a text telling me that their Budgie has got an emergency appointment with the vet makes my blood boil!. Do they have any idea how long a woman (an older woman in particular) takes to make herself date ready..it is a laborious and repetitive business…and takes bloody ages!!. But is absolutely essential if you are to present yourself with an air of  confidence. If thing get hot and steamy later you need to now that the lucky recipient of your affections will not be horrified by anything you may reveal in the dim lighting that you had careful arranged earlier . Every bit of you must be honed to perfection..well as near as damn it! after all you can’t rely on mother nature she is unforgiving and cruel.  So to get the Budgie text is the most irritating of all.  I mentioned Flakey in my previous Blog and he has become the king of unreliability in my diary.  He is stored with affection in my phone under that name and we still chat and email. But we have only met once briefly and have yet to do the deed. But occasionally we do indulge in extremely hot phone sex.  Somehow I can’t bring myself to delete him so the game continues.  Will we ever conclude our business in reality ? I have no idea but somehow he has done just enough to stay.  For my own sanity I now have a two strikes and your out policy. We make an arrangement to meet..they cancel and I smile. We make another arrangement and they cancel and I never give them the time of day again.  I broke this pact with myself only once recently when the guy involved sent his apology by way of a package to my office. The underwear inside was somewhat risque’  and made me laugh out loud. But he had gone the extra mile so he got one more chance and we had a very pleasant first date last week..he was much better looking than expected too, so he might actually get to see me in his apology gift.

This morning a somewhat unreliable toyboy text me out of the blue. Seizing the opportunity of maybe making use of my empty house I ask him over. He jumps at the chance and we agree on a time and taking my address for his Sat Nav.  I start the getting ready process. Ever sceptical  I check whether he has left yet ? He answers leaving in five. Ten minutes later he sends me a picture of his car with a flat tyre and says “I may be late” Already I’m thinking “I wonder if he keeps that picture in his phone for just such an occassion” But benefit of the doubt and all that I ask what he is going to do. “Change the tyre” is his swift response. I’m thinking well why havent you started yet ? Somehow I just don’t believe him so I say would you prefer to come this evening?. Yes please and we agree on a time. I say text me later to confirm. I get busy cooking dinner etc and visiting my mother. He texts and asks if we are still ok for later and I say “if you are” ?he answers “Hell yes”  and then he goes off the radar not answering my next two texts on whether he has set off yet.  I know exactly how this is going to end.  Eventually he replies “sorry I fell asleep”  (there’s a lot of men out there suffering from sleep apnea)  I ask the question that I already know the answer too “So do I take it you’re not coming ?  He doesn’t even apologise just says he is too tired.  Why ?Why ? Why? I retaliate with a please don’t text me again ? He counters with ok I will delete you. Do! delete me please..you complete and utter waste of space…. Anyway I can’t stop.. Im off to take my Goldfish for emergency swimming lessons!!

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