WHAT IS ‘GOOD’ SEX?

What is good sex ? Do we really have any idea ?

Sex ! A subject that has ruled the world for so long. Why is it that sex still dominates us as human beings ? Despite being better educated than we have ever been and enlightened into the ways of the world we are still driven by our darkest desires!

Politicians!  Royals and your average man/woman or non- binary (I had better keep apace with the modern lingo) alike, succumb to sexual encounters outside the moral guidelines. (Whatever they bloody well are)   It would seem that despite knowing what is better for our consciences and peace of mind we still stray into deviant amoral and gung-ho sexual behaviour. So why do we do it ?

It would seem that we are still driven by our hormones despite pretending to be educated beyond our carnal desires. Hurrah for that I suppose otherwise our species would have been extinct years ago.   I for one rather enjoy my carnal desires…as a woman of a certain age I am bloody delighted I still have some! And as you know I am happy to talk about to anyone who will listen.

So when discussing a date I had recently with my long suffering girlfriends, I got asked the usual question “Was the sex good ?”  I started with the usual rolling of the eyes and the words  “delicious thank you” and then I stopped and thought about it.  I thought it was delicious sex but would they  have ? So what is the definition  of good sex ? Is it the length of time the encounter takes ?  A session of  ‘wham bam! thank you ma’am’ might suit some women who may find the going on forever manannoying. Just for the record I am talking here from a purely female perspective, after all its the only one I’ve got. But I would like to know a mans definition of ‘good sex‘ although I have a feeling ‘Any’ might be the reply!

Is it the amount  of time he spends on the foreplay warming you up to a frenzy of desire so overwhelming you can’t wait for him to stick it to you? Or is it the man that throws you on the bed rips your clothes off and doesn’t even bother with so much as a tweet of your clitoris ? The obvious equation is good sex equals orgasm…job done.  But we know don’t we girls? that Pythagoras may have to redo his sums on this one. The percentage of women that actually achieve orgasm during good old plain rumpy pumpy is . ..as low as 25 per cent according to some studies which means the rest of us are scrambling about trying to climb the mountain in some other way.

Sadly there are some of us according to the same survey,  that even then find the magic of orgasm beyond their reach. I am eternally grateful not to be one of them. So my next question is does the lack of orgasm mean the answer to the question “was the sex good ?” a loud and resounding no!! I don’t think so ..do you? Sex can be a gloriously exhilarating experience even if  we fail to scale the mountain  right to the top.

And where does love fit into the this sweaty slippery writhing ? Is love essential to the satisfaction we feel before during and after ? I’ve had the most amazing sex with and without the love word. I have felt emotionally connected to many of my lovers.  Some more than others. Sex with a stranger or a one night stand does not have to be a soul-less fuckfest! A connection is either made or it is not! But you are at least not laying there hoping they will finish soon…the frisson of a new body to explore will bring its own form of ecstasy! 

I suppose it’s all about how far we set the bar and I am not even going to enter the discussion on does size matter …groan ? I have already covered that in a previous blog. But  ‘good sex ‘ can be hard to define and varies from person to person…but one thing I think we can all agree on is that when it’s bad it is awful! There is nothing more embarrassing than trying to wriggle out from under when things clearly are not working and your’re naked. But still, the world loves a trier! I would love to know what you think ‘good sex is’  Answers in my in- box please!

Gaynor x

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