BRINGING THE SEXY BACK!

So, we are back in Lockdown AGAIN yes,  I know its boring and life limiting and like most of the population I have found this time round tougher to handle.

The new variant has us all running scared and even me with my scientific analytical approach and medical knowledge is worried enough to be taking the precautions very seriously indeed!.

Stuck in doors treating every ring on the doorbell with suspicion! (You know is not going to be your lover popping round for a ‘quickie‘) Door- knobs and light switches toilet seats and handles all get sprayed with boring regularity. Trying to see the positive in anything is hard and finding a reason to get up and do anything of note becomes a daily hill to climb.

But,  I got up yesterday and gave myself a good talking too, “For gods sake woman” I told myself. It’s not as if you are starving or don’t have a roof over your head. Get a grip”! Of course a big part of my malaise was that I was stuck in rut playing my roles as mum, nanny counsellor and Dr Gaynor. Nowhere in my day to day life was the other part of my personality getting an airing. There was not a chance in hell of me having a date, or sex or any reason to get dressed up or wear make up do my hair or even shave my legs.

I am guessing that I am not alone. I bet there are a lot of women out there like me with unshaven legs and a bush that could give the the Australian Outback a run for its money. My granddaughter Matilda has nicked named it ‘my noodles‘ and is constantly giggling as I try to contain the said noodles in knickers that are tatty and worn and feeling smaller than they used too. If you do put a bra on in the morning which is not often, you are usually wrenching it off by midday. My breasts are very grateful and rather enjoying their freedom.

My sexy lingerie in various shapes sizes and colours lay unused and gathering dust in my drawers. I am beginning to wonder when they will ever see the light of day. The other problem we will all be facing when they do get an airing is will they fit? Lockdown haven taken its toll on our fitness routines and diet. After all the only thing too get excited about most days is our glass of wine and the food on our plate balanced carefully on our knees whilst we watch the obligatory and latest Box set.

Currently we are all devouring the unexpected hit ‘Bridgerton’ with its sexy male lead and overtly explicit sexual encounters. The opulent settings are wonderfully designed and the decadent dresses in bright peacock satins and lace all lend to the perfect staging of such sexy seduction scenes that all of us are licking our lips. But then anything with the brilliant Shonda Rhimes behind it turns to gold!

More importantly it gives us all a much needed break from the daily Corona Virus updates and gloomy weather. But of course ‘Bridgerton‘ only bangs home the point that my heaving bosoms are receiving no such attention and are feeling somewhat neglected.

My nails are bitten to the quick a habit I had kicked years ago now back again fuelled by boredom and anxiety. My make up box is unused for days on end and I am even going to the shops naked faced. Something I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing pre COVID. But with masks rendering the need for lipstick obsolete it all seems a bit pointless and when I do put some make-up on just to brighten myself up the lipstick ends up all over the mask and then all over my face and I end up looking like Coco the Clown. But as I tell myself often I am unlikely to meet the man of my dreams in the local Cooperative

I had deleted most of my dating apps the first time round and now only have Hinge and Toyboywarehouse active. But as the endless messages and likes roll in they remain unanswered. There is no point if I can’t have physical contact with a man or at least a drink. I do not want endless text conversations that will lead to nowhere, answering the same questions over and over. I’d rather stick pins in my eyes to alleviate the boredom at least I would feel something!

Please don’t think I flatter myself here. I am well aware that most of the guys messaging me at the moment are just bored and looking for a bit of wanking material. They just like the idea of an older woman. After all fantasy and imagination   is all we have got to inspire us from our seat on the sofa. I don’t blame them but I’d rather wait and see who is still messaging me after the pandemic is over. I should close the apps down I suppose but just like shaving my legs I just can’t seem to get around to it.

I cannot wait for the day I can spend all afternoon getting ready for a date. Getting my body in pristine condition from head to toe. Creaming and polishing shaving and plucking until I look like a turkey ready for the oven on Christmas Day. The joy of deciding which underwear to put on, which dress to wear and whether to choose a heady seductive perfume or a fresher more youthful one. As you can tell I plan my dates with precision.

One of the most important if not the most important thing to choose wisely is your shoes. If you want to bring the sexy back into your life now is not the time for carpet slippers trainers or flats.

A pair of heels can not only turn heads it turns your body into a sex machine. According to an article I read in the Daily Mail (so it must be true) research has been done on this very subject although I would have thought it was pretty obvious. But it’s not just about the shoes themselves. According to the survey high heels make a woman’s body move and sway  differently causing the lumbar area to curve in such a way as to send out a subliminal sexual signal that strengthens our reproductive capabilities. Who knew? Maybe we should ask Sir David Attenborough to do a documentary on the subject.

As for me who is definitely well past her reproductive capabilities putting on a pair of sexy heels or long boots puts me in the mood. It helps bring the other part of me that is hidden most of the time especially at the moment to the surface. It requires skill to strut in a pair of heels. I can still do it! just about. There would be no point hobbling it would just give your age away. Choosing heels that are sexy but not stupid is key. Leave the really high ones to our younger sisters who won’t do so much damage if they fall flat on their faces Choose wisely.

But it makes me feel sexy and that gives me confidence and as we know confidence is a very attractive trait and one that Older Woman tend to have in abundance if they can only locate it and set it free. I released mine when my ex husband left the building and was no longer able to exploit my love for him.

So, I for one can’t wait to get out of this damn dressing gown and get my noodles shaved. It would mean that I was bringing the sexy back and my shelves of unworn heels would at last get to dance!

See you on the other side!

love Gaynor x

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