I have a had a couple of funny weeks and not in a good way. I certainly haven’t been rolling around the floor, doubled up with laughter. In fact I haven’t been rolling in any capacity ‘ in the hay’ ‘on the floor’ ‘in a bed’ Nope nothing..zero, zilch!! I find I am in a sexual desert and to say that my throat is parched would be an understatement (I’m sure you get my drift)
The reason for the absence of ‘joy’ in my life is complex. There has been just one obstacle after another let me explain. Firstly I Injured my back and not as you would expect by laying flat on it but in fact by running on the road, something I was really enjoying. It was having a really good effect on my thighs too and much to my delight I could at last see the return of the gap at the top that I had so loved during my years of horse-riding. My long legs had always been my asset and despite extensive gym work the moment I gave up riding on a regular basis the gap was filled with a nice little pocket of fat. It just sort of appeared and despite my best efforts there it stayed. 
Foolishly I had gone running with my daughter and did more than usual. My stamina having increased I was able to go further. It was a lovely day so I pushed myself. The next day I felt like a creaking gate, my lower back was on fire, I could barely walk. Cursing to myself I did the usual things, applied heat, took painkillers etc but the pain got worse over the next few days and then just stayed put. Dosed up to the eyeballs I managed to sit at my desk and only had one or two days laying flat. After two weeks of trying everything I went to the doctors and he said that I had inflamed the joints and gave me stronger pain killers . Another week passed and the daily pain was beginning to wear me down, but I soldiered on.
I certainly wasnt well enough to venture out on any dates and the smell of deep heat embrocation is hardly conducive to rampant sex. I would also have been worried about flexibility. Hard to get your legs (thigh gap or no thigh gap) in anything other than a vertical position so wrapping them around a back or neck was definitely out of the question. So no sex for me!!. Well almost none. I did manage a quick and gentle session with the TB that I see from time to time. (the one who now has a GF and is struggling to come to terms with never sleeping with me again ha!. I did manage very carefully to drape my legs in an appropriate fashion but couldn’t be my usual active self which was an interesting change. I hate to miss an opportunity.
The back gradually recovered after about six weeks and I crept back into the gym to stretch and strengthen but have had to give up the running for now. I am keeping a very careful eye on the thigh gap never again will I have as I did when I was a child the sort of thighs that rubbed together and gave me sores. ouch!!
So just when I was getting my MoJo back and had a few dates lined up I caught the flu. Great! marvellous! thank you god. Snivelling sniffing and feeling like a soggy sponge I dragged myself through the next few weeks but it just went on and on. Normally I don’t catch colds or flu and am as fit as a flea I presume the bad back had rendered my immune system low enough to enable this nasty virus to take hold. Thinking I would be better the following week I re-arranged dates only to have to cancel them as I developed a hacking cough. No chance of getting up close and personal with the taste of cough sweets lingering on your tongue, your breath smelling like vapour rub and every sentence interrupted by a Fagin like rasp. So I gave in and gave up, unfortunately so did the potential dates having figured I was messing them around.
Four weeks after it started I began to feel better and was thinking right lets see whose about when my mum became ill. My mother is a credit to the women of her generation and is feisty independent and has never been in hospital. So at 91 when she take to her bed we know its serious. So in between dealing with the demands of my children, work and now mother I have been running around like a headless chicken.
She is now on the mend we think and I am beginning be preoccupied by a completely different subject. The sun has been shining and with spring in the air and sex on the brain, I feel sorry for the next lucky guy that takes me out. Lets hope HE doesn’t have a bad back , he wont know what hit him. Oh how I’ve missed the joy and lets hope I find my oasis soon. Now has anyone seen my camel ??
