Although it happens to me all the time I am still always surprised when one of my current toyboy’s suddenly vanishes into the ether. Without warning and without any dialogue the texts and phone calls stop dead and I am left wondering whether he has been kidnapped by aliens! been run over by a bus! or just lost his phone.
The truth of course is far simpler, he has just decided to stop seeing me! Just like that! No explanation, no goodbyes, just a great big nothing. I know from experience that this may just be a temporary glitch and that normal service may well be resumed in a few weeks, months or in some cases years . But for now I have been put on the back burner!
I know that this occurs in same-age relationships too but it is particularly prevalent in the age-gap ones. I learnt early on not to take it personally and that a number of things may have occurred to put him off the idea of dating a ‘Cougar’. This can range from the fear of being caught dating an older woman (especially if you are older than his mother) or that he is worried you are getting too attached and may have expectations beyond his capabilities. Generally though it is simply because they are in fact getting quite attached to you!
They enjoy the free and easy company and the great sex and look forward to seeing you so much it is interfering with their everyday lives just like I a normal same-age relationship. would. But of course this one is secret and usually hidden from friends and family. This makes it seductive and exciting and is quite addictive. So before you become their drug of choice they jump ship and leave you wondering whether they were visiting the Bermuda Triangle and forgot to mention it last time you were having mad passionate sex!.
Sometimes though they may just have met someone their own age and want to return to running with the herd and following the sheep. Here they feel safe and warm and are appeasing those people around them. This doesn’t mean that you are forgotten. Oh No! . They will re-run time spent with you in their head’s often and because the relationship didn’t have the opportunity to run its normal course it will remain framed in its bubble of sex and fun filled hours. This will often bring them running back to you sooner rather than later.
Should I feel affronted or hurt by their abandonment? Should I throw a tantrum and text and call them so much they block me entirely? I don’t see the point! If you are going to date a puppy you can’t suddenly expect them to act like a police trained Alsatian and come to heel the moment you blow the whistle. If you can manage it sit back and wait and see, they usually come to heel at some point and re-kindling the flame can be so much fun!
I am not for a moment suggesting you should put up with being treated badly or without respect but try and keep your expectations real. It really depends on what you want from the person concerned and what you have shared in the past.
In my case I have no idea why my current toyboy has vanished or why as they call it now I have in fact been ghosted! Our last encounter was fab! the champagne flowed and the sex was awesome! His text’s since have been popping into my in box with regularity and affection. Then all of a sudden they stopped and the one and only one I sent him remains unanswered! It’s a mystery.
As he seems to have turned into a ghost maybe he will knock on my door this Halloween asking if he can have a trick or treat! My response will depend on his explanation and how I am feeling at the time. I will of course be dressed in my full witches attire so maybe I will just cast a spell on him and turn him into a frog! But the chances are if the bed is still warm I may just let him slip between the sheets and make another kind of magic.
In the meantime I will keep my Tinder finger busy 🙂 Happy Halloween Dater’s
