NB : This has been my most visited blog! Can’t think why! :). I decided I would share it with you all once again…Saddle up !

I thought I would wade into the time-honoured debate of size  versus ability that rolls on and on. I feel I am especially qualified to answer my own question and not as you may think from my experience in the field.  But because as a horse-owner for twenty-seven years I was in a great position to study exactly what the above statement means.

My dearly departed and much-loved horse Guinness was a gelding. In layman’s terms this means that at some stage before he got to be mine and I presume in his youth he had his nuts chopped off or was in fact ‘gelded’. It’s ok guys you can take your hand off your dangly bits now the big nasty vet is not coming for yours!. The rest of him was as nature intended and it spent most of it’s time tucked-up and protected inside what is known as its sheath!guinness 

Guinness was not a horse that liked to boast about what he kept in his trousers so to speak and although many of his stable companions would dangle theirs long and free and swinging in the breeze (just like some guys I know) Guinness preferred to keep his close and it was rare to see it unless of course he needed to pee. It was easy to forget that in fact he was hung like a horse except that every now and again all that he held dear would swell and it was evident that the ritual of willy washing had to be performed.

This messy business cropped up a couple of times of year and would require a bucket of warm soapy water some rubber gloves cotton wool and a strong stomach. Horses that work and are ridden go through all sorts of terrain and mud and dirt splashes at speed up and into their nether regions. The dirt accumulates and then causes irritation and the whole thing swells up like a balloon.

Guinness was never fond of buckets and knew that the moment one appeared on the yard he was in for something that he didn’t want. The willy washing was his least favorite. The moment the bucket was placed down he would start. Prancing and dancing and shying away from my attempts to get the large piece of soapy cotton wool anywhere near his filthy appendage. But it had to be done and with the determination of a double-glazing salesman I struggled on.

Eventually I get up inside and am now manhandling the actual penis. I am sloshing and wiping and rotating my hand and getting right in there. The willy escapes and then he retracts it again determined to protect his manhood Can’t say that would ever happen with a man, they usually cant wait to show you what they keep in their pants and brandish it like a hidden treasure usually making admiring noises to themselves as if they have never seen it before and would relish any wiping and rotating with glee.

It’s at this point us girls get to see what we will be having for dinner. There is an honest truth in the saying ‘everyone is different’  At this moment, when our man’s pride and joy is released into the wild for the first time we can either be completely daunted and swallowing hard trying to imagine how on earth we are going to mount such a magnificent beast or hoping there has been a dreadful mistake and we are in the wrong room.

There is also the question of whether you are presented with a ‘Roundhead’  or a ‘Cavalier’ . I can’t see how this makes much difference to us girls but I understand from some guys that it can affect their sensitivity. Of course from what I’ve read American girls have an in bred loathing of the poor Cavalier! and would rather cut of their right arm than play with one. Don’t really understand it myself and I don’t buy into all this more hygienic hype. I must admit the first time I came across a Roundhead  (back in the last century)  I was bemused and wasn’t sure quite how to manage one with a bit missing.

But hopefully we are lucky enough to find ourselves looking forward to Mr Average not too big, not too small, and nice and manageable. Either way and whatever we find we must make the right encouraging noises. Of course it’s perfectly fine to say with your eyes open wide “ooh you’re a big boy” But we must never ever say anything remotely insulting or negative, not unless we want to see all our hopes and dreams for this night at least, shrivel up and die!

Of course there are two sides to every story and I often wonder whether men discuss our bits and bobs in the same way. Does big or small matter in our case. A problem could arise I suppose if a small one of their’s was paired up with a big one of ours or heaven forbid visa versa. Is it all in the mind ? or do real physical dimensions make certain situations impossible to overcome ?

Speaking from my own personal experience can’t say that I have ever been over-faced as it were, and no it’s not because I am as big as the bucket that Guinness was so afraid of. My pelvic floor is in very good working order ! thank you very much. So I’m guessing that over-facing is a rare occurrence.

However, being underwhelmed is not uncommon but if I’m honest did that make any difference as to how it all went. Actually, No! it didn’t. It’s all a question of arousal and how you feel about the person before you. If the chemistry is working you will be feeling it whatever its size. Plus, as is often the case these guys are usually finely tuned on the sexual front and have perfected other arts just in case they need them so there are compensations.

Back to the willy -washing. Eventually my persistence pays off and Guinness is allowing me to go about his business and has stopped trying to kick me. I can tell you that some of what you find during this procedure would turn the strongest stomach and the smell is difficult to pin down. As bits of gunk fall onto the yard you begin to wonder how long some of it has been up there and it’s hard not to heave. Lets hope ladies that this question never pops into your head when you are in the process of giving your bestest BJ!..

Eventually Guinness is in possession of a nice clean appendage and is happily dangling his enormous phallus for all to see. I imagine that on some level he rather enjoyed it but again like most men he didn’t want to appear too keen in case I stopped.

So to conclude it is probably true to say “It’s not what you’ve got but what you do with it that counts” and of course that illusive thing called chemistry has a BIG part to play.

It goes without saying that if you are in ‘Love’ you will adore everything about your man including what he keeps in his faded underpants!. Let just hope we are never in need of a bucket and soapy water!!


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