When I write I tend to sit in the same place on the sofa (although the sofa is beginning to sag from me sitting in that same place) I have the TV on usually, at the moment I’m watching a vintage episode of Sherlock Holmes with the late Jeremy Brett in the lead it’s an absolute master class of acting ability.  My Victorian terrace has large low windows and I can see clean across the street and a good expanse of sky. in-between writing I gaze out and my neighbours who have me in plain view gaze in waving as they pass.  Some mornings I’m sure they get to see more of me than they should as im alway forgetting that wandering about in my underwear is not a good idea.

I was  enthralled to notice this morning that attached to the hedge was a spider’s web. The overnight frost and dew and left it highlighted for all to see hanging from the bushes like a large silver Christmas decoration. It was perfect and with a childlike fascination I went out for a closer look. My loathing of spiders is well-known I have a real and terrible fear that comes from my childhood. But I have no problem when they are not invading my space.  The web both delicate and strong in equal measures was bouncing in the air hoping to catch its owner some sunday dinner.  I still do not understand how the spider stretches the long arms of the web that hold the whole thing up from one bush to another. Does it jump or fly ?it’s a complete mystery to me.  But then Mother nature is an amazing woman and so many of her more subtle miracles  still defy comprehension.

This brings me onto the subject of Sexual attraction or “Chemistry” as we call it. Why is it that you can look at one person and not even feel a remote stirring and yet someone else will have your stomach lurching so badly you imagine that its movements are visible to people around you.  At this point you may only be talking to them but the chemical reaction rushing through your body is clearly felt. Your pupils dilate you find any excuse to touch the lucky victim. You smile and laugh far too much and hang on his every word. You rush to the ladies and re-apply your lip gloss (Yes we all know that the mouth is supposed to represent the vagina in sexual courtship although I wouldn’t fancy THAT stuck on my face!!.  If your lucky and it would seem that the attraction is mutual then the whole thing snowballs and before you know where you are kissing is imminent.

I love this bit and it is a sure-fire way of knowing whether your initial sexual rush is well founded or not.  The kiss is everything..if the owner of the  lips treats your mouth with subtle soft yet passionate nibbles you stay stuck.  If he uses a variety of movements and refrains for a while from sticking his tongue down your throat you remain engaged.  If he smells good (I really don’t think that men wear enough aftershave) and holds you strongly and if the passion gains momentum and then when you part to breathe  (although taking your breath away is a good sign)he looks you deep in the eyes. The chances are that you will want more and your body will be letting you know that with very definite signals. I always find the urge to get straight  to stage two hard to resist if my switch has been very firmly turned on. (This dates back to being in a long marriage where no such resistance was required).

With the kiss being of such importance if I am going on a first date or a girls night out where some kissing might hopefully be on the agenda then I am careful not to eat anything strongly flavoured that day. No onions, no garlic, using mouthwash before going out. Alas men (Boys) are not all so thoughtful.  I have been subjected to the most awful onion laden kisses and its very hard not to be totally put off. I mean why would you eat a cheese and onion sandwich or a plate of garlic laden mussels before going on a date ..why ?!   It is a huge turn off. If the date has gone well otherwise you may risk the chance of being assaulted with onion breath on date two but if it’s still the same..thats it!!. It’s a sure sign that other areas my also not be in pristine condition. And yes girls we have all been there!!! yuk!

Sometimes the kiss will surprise you and whilst you may not have been feeling hugely attracted to your date a kiss will sometimes tip you over in their favour.  I know this from experience. My young Irishman and I had our first date and although I liked him I wasnt feeling hugely attracted to him and was extremely concerned that he really was just TOO young. But after a pleasant afternoon we got up to leave and we ended up in a clinch. I can’t remember if it was me or him that engineered it but a bit of both I suspect. But OMG that kiss was off the scale both passionate and tender my stomach lurched into the back of my throat so fast I thought I would choke.  I couldn’t put my finger on why it was working so well.  He was tall and well-built and being both of those things myself it was nice to feel girly and small. He had full very kissable lips and he knew how to use them.  Deciding I needed another go just to be sure (of course I did ha!)well I didn’t want it to be a fluke I went in for the kill. WOW! what a rush, the urge to rip his clothes off was on the edge of my finger tips. He smelt so good but not of aftershave ..well not of anything really..but just good and I suspect that those elusive things called pheromones that we hear about were busy doing their work. He was laden with the testosterone that befits his age and I was picking up on the scent.  Dragging myself back from heaven I managed to let him go and dropped him back at the station.

I then spent the next two-weeks wrestling with myself about the rights and wrongs of it, with him in hot pursuit. Until one night I gave in and I invited him over.  If our initial kiss was anything to go by I was in for a treat. All the signals where there and when we eventually got to the bedroom I was blown away!. We saw each other for just under a year and I had the best sex of my life. I acknowledge that we did also connect intellectually and had a genuine and deep liking for each other but ultimately we were driven by our mutual lust. (well I’m sure that’s what drove him to take the arduous and long train journey from the other side of London on a regular basis)

So it would seem that our bodies chemical reaction is what counts when we engage under the duvet..or on top of it..on the table..sofa..floor..in the car..when it works it works. It doesn’t mean the relationship will last but we are after all biological beings and at the mercy of our hormones.  I am guessing that this in one of the biggest reasons the younger man is attracted to the older woman and visa versa. It’s a basic and animalistic urge and somehow nature engineered it that way.

I am a great believer in trusting your instincts and why I can still have a chemical reaction I will continue to act upon it despite the disapproval of the people around me.  Plenty of time for intellectual conversation and hot Cocoa when I’m in the old people’s home and too damned old for anything else…..


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