THE RECYCLED TOYBOY (Part one)

When I started dating toyboys three years ago I had no game plan. After all the shit I had put up with in the previous five years I just wanted to enjoy life again without all the stress heartbreak and drama. In a word I just wanted some fun!.

Wearing my freedom like badge I went forth and embraced the single life. I didn’t set out to date toyboys and only toyboys for as long as we both shall live Amen! I just stumbled across one opportunity after another. Stumble was a good word to choose because I,  like every other newly single “been in a shite relationship and dumped on female” used alcohol as my medication of choice and to bolster up the flagging confidence. Drinking dancing and debauchery all formed part of my rite of passage into the arms of freedom.

It’s amazing how good someone begins to look after  two glasses of “getting ready wine”  six double Gin and tonics and a couple of shots. They start out being remotely interesting and end up being the your ideal man and so good-looking you want to lick him all over. Which of course you do in front of your friends and while they are trying not to gag you are dipping deep into the recesses of your drunken brain and trying to work out where you can go to be alone with this Hunk.

It was during one such evening that I had my first approach from a younger man. He was as my daughter puts it “on my case”.  I was lapping up the attention and the flattery it was a long time since anyone had told me I was gorgeous and sexy. But even in my pickled head my inner voice was telling me that it was just a joke and soon he would laugh and say he was only kidding. But he didn’t!. I was too insecure and unsure of myself to take him up on his very kind offer that evening. But some weeks later I decided that his dogged persistence deserved a reward.

As opportunity presented and the kissing started I was so surprised at how natural it all felt that I forgot myself and was rapidly allowing myself to be swept along in the excitement of the moment.  I was aroused and moved and pulling back to look into his deep blue eyes I knew that I wanted him and not tomorrow  or next week. I wanted him now, immediately, kit off,  tackle out

When you have been in a long relationship sex is usually part of the day-to-day routine.  I hadn’t fought a man off since my teens, when it was not the done thing to drop your draws as soon as someone was kind enough to ask you too.  I was used to kissing, leading to foreplay, leading to full sex.  If I  used to have brakes they were certainly in need of repairing. I tried to slow things down but that just made me and him more excited. Eventually I thought sod it!

Throwing caution to the wind along with my knickers I took my prize upstairs and spent the next few hours in sexual heaven. So began my regular excursions into the arms of the younger man.  I had both short and long-term relationships with them and it was like being able to breathe again and never had I felt so desirable and alive. It was just what I needed after what  I had been through.

The fact that I dated more than one meant that I didn’t get too attached, well in theory anyway.  So I embarked on a series of romances, dalliances, affairs.  Some would last weeks, some months and of course years. Much to my constant surprise.

As is always the case in life some people you meet along the way just get under your skin and stay there.  Sometimes you look into someones eyes and there is an immediate connection. Sexual desire rushes to the fore and you know that if it’s equally met then the sparks will fly and before long you will tearing each others clothes off.

But if this chemical reaction is to be repeated there has to be more. If you don’t connect on any other level then it will not take long for the sexual desire to petter out although it can be amazing at the time and not to be underestimated. But If you enjoy each others company and there is a meeting of the minds as well then the sexual desire is heightened.  The need to keep coming back and repeating the experience is required and an attachment of sorts is formed.

During my second year of freedom when I was seeing my two favorite toyboys a fair bit, things would get in the way of us meeting up. My young Irishman would go home to Ireland for example and there were big gaps between visits. It added to the excitement of course but I carried on meeting new people and filling up the space.

On one such occasion I met a nice guy that worked in the forces.  He was sweet and we saw each other a few times. He was reliable and always stuck to arrangements which made a change. After a few weeks the Irishman would return and with my opportunities at home being so limited he would take presidence.

Eventually with time so precious I couldn’t fit the other one in and we lost contact. It not that things go wrong, no arguments took place he was just eclipsed. One year later he emailed me to see how I was and asked if he could see me again. I was surprised as although it had been fun I thought the last time we had met he had seemed a bit distracted and not that in to me!. I told him as much.  He was horrified and said he thought about me often and had missed out encounters.

I still didn’t jump in even though my two favorites were long gone. I just wasn’t sure and he was obviously keener than me and I asked myself did I want to re visit the scene?. So I waited. I then received an email out of the blue from someone else I had met the early part of last year. A mature student (I use the term loosely he was 30 ) he was from the Netherlands.  He was doing an MA in Economics and I was his first “older Woman” experience. His name was similar to Peter in English and although we had spoken on the phone a few times I was still getting used to the accent.

On our first date in London he had been quite shy and I could tell he was unsure how to be around me. We had met a Liverpool Street  Station. He was tall and had a lovely face with lots of black curly hair (I love hair) I found his accent  very sexy and after a bit of conversation I could see he was highly intelligent.

A Gay friend of mine Joe works in Boots at the Station. A lovely guy always tanned and immaculate he spotted me as we walked past .” Gaynoooooor Darling how are you “ he said in a loud voice as he threw out his arms and kissed me and whilst looking my date up and down he whispered in my ear. Oooooo Gorgeous whose he then ? I whispered back” I don’t know yet I’ve only just met him”,We both  laughed and I was forced to introduce him. I had to ask Peter to pronounce his name again for me which he did with grace and was very polite and extended a his hand. Joe grabbed it and said loudly  in his best camp voice “ooooh your lovely do you have any nice brothers at home for me ?” Dear God the embarrassment I just had to laugh it off, I mean what must he have though Id only just met him and he was being asked to solicit his brother.

The rest of the date went without event and I decided that there was some chemistry but he was a little reserved.  When he walked me back to the station I was unsure of how to play it,I think it was obvious to me by now that I was in charge and he was not about to take the lead in the kissing stakes.

As we approached my platform I took the bull by the horns reached up and kissed Peter on the mouth and said “It was lovely to meet you”  then legged it onto the train and sat down in a breathless heap. As the train pulled out I was pondering on whether or not that would be the end of it. Within five minutes he had text me and said he wished he was on the train and coming home with me! Smiling to myself I thought that’s alright then one for the future !….to be continued.

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