My week started well, work was busy and I had the added bonus of the giant I live with staying at his Gfs which meant I get a break from the endless task of keeping him fed and watered and listening to him gaming into the early hours.  Of course it also meant that I am home alone and opportunity knocks.  With this in mind I impulsively text my young Irishman to see if there was any danger of him hopping on a plane and coming to make good use of the me. His nil- poi response indicated that his feet remain planted firmly in the Emerald Isle..sigh.

I had a couple of dates in the last few weeks. One with a slightly older than my usual type and one with my usual age group.  Both dates had been fun but I was on the fence with both.  The older guy was permanently trying to stick himself to my face and although ticked a lot of boxes, intelligent, well-heeled, and pleasant-looking I decided to think on it.  I imagine he was not used to being refused entry and I never heard from him again in any event..Next..

Date two was completely different.  He was totally in awe of me very endearing sweet and attentive but Im not sure the chemistry was strong enough. So I ponder still with him in hot pursuit.

Not to be deterred and feeling the pressure of the empty house I decided to text a couple of guys that I met ( I use the term loosely) from my favourite website some time ago. I had spoken to them both a number of times and we had plans to meet but things had got in the way. A. didn’t reply (well it had been a while)  but B did. I suggested we spoke and when he called I was reminded that I had really fancied him. He sounded sexy he looked good and even better was free to meet the following evening. I didn’t get over excited the chance of a ‘something coming up’ was always a strong possibility.

In fact something did come up and he phoned me immediately and having talked it through he decided he would still come albeit a bit later.  He didn’t live locally so had a bit of a trek but when he appeared out of the station I grinned broadly.  Oh yes!! thank you very much! he was gorgeous.  Tall with broad shoulders a honed and toned body and in suit.  Large hazel eyes big smile and to quote Anastasia Steele “Oh my!!”

We went for a drink at the local wine bar and got to know each other a little better.  Although the long phone calls over previous months had been quite informative . But there is nothing like getting to know each other on a physical level. So we  flirted, touched, kissed a little, you know the drill :).  The rest I shall leave to your imagination. But it was hot!.

in the pink

So in fine fettle I was looking forward to our day at Ascot with the usual excitement and anticipation.  I did get a little stressed as the week wore on and my stomach was playing up again.  Its my weak spot and If anything is to give me trouble that’s the place. I was very well organised though , my outfit was sorted, I had booked the cabs to take us to the station, bought the umbrellas just in case. Everything was just how I like it.

The girls arrived and we opened some bubbles and took a few photos. Adjustments were made to outfits hats went on and off again.  Let hope the weather would be kind to us. The first cab arrived and the first four girls went off and the rest of us stood at the gate waiting.  After ten minutes I phoned the cab firm “its on its way madam” I was not amused.

We now had four girls hanging about in posh frocks and hats at Oakwood Tube station. It was another ten minutes before the cab turned up! I tore the driver off a strip only to be told that he had only just got the job!! Grrrr….This had put all our schedule out. We were meeting more girls at Waterloo and another one of our party was getting on further up the Ascot line.  With texts flying back and forth as much as the underground would allow we eventually gathered at Waterloo for a photo. But the damage was done,  I was stressed! Boarding the train I realised that my lovely matching pink umbrella was missing.  Where the hell had I left that ?!!.

We got seated and settled and then opened the Champers. Jayne took one bottle and I took the other. I hunted through my bag looking for the disposable glasses.  Urgh! there was a hole in my bag the other pack had fallen through it !!  We only had five between 10 of us !! So having to share we poured.  As Jayne pulled the cork on her bottle it fizzed, popped loudly and cascades of bubbly fired into the air…and all over my dress!! marvellous..

Mopping up the damage I hoped it would dry stain free.  The drinking commenced and in just under an hour we were alighting the train. Ascot was buzzing. It was full to capacity and so far the weather was good.  Trying to relax into the day we went to locate a Champagne Bar and begin the day.  As we were walking through admiring the outfits and suits I heard Laura gasp behind be ..I turned to see what the problem was “I don’t believe it” she said loudly “Some bloody bird has just shit on me”  Stifling my giggles I rustled in my bag for wipes. It was all over her hand and dress.  “Eww”she muttered with a grimace “Its all warm”  Great big dollops of bird poo was all over her lovely blue dress.  She was beginning to smile as someone  said ” It’s supposed to be lucky you know” “Well I don’t feel bloody lucky” she retorted before collapsing with giggles.  (And I thought Champagne was bad enough)  Luckily it had missed her fascinator.

We seated ourselves on a nice roof terrace, Kate bought a magnum of Pink Lanson and we began to enjoy the day. I noticed a film crew over in the corner but didn’t take much notice. It wasn’t long before someone text Olivia to say that I had been on Channel 4 news!.  Bloody Hell I just can’t get away from TV.

I would like to tell you that we had a great day and it was brilliant etc.  Well for some it was.  But sadly for me the stress of the day had somehow had an impact well something surely did.  I remember putting on my bets. We went to watch the first race and sat on the grass.  The next thing I remember was Trudy helping me up.  I had passed out ..literally!. Other concerned race goers kept asking Trudy “is she ok?” Trudy nodded thinking a bit of a rest might be a good idea but eventually she decided to get me up. As I rose to my feet the whole place began to spin and I began to feel really sick. Rushing to the loo I threw up. ..!!

This didn’t help and I still felt dizzy and sick. I was now on my own having lost the others in the crowd.  Somehow I found the first aid room.  They laid me down and checked me over. It’s all a blur.  I was sick again and couldn’t lift my head up with out the room spinning. They checked my blood, my blood pressure and eventually called the doctor. He reminded me of Colonel Mustard.  All curly hair and handle bar moustache in a sports jacket and a bright yellow paisley waistcoat.  In fact he looked more like a vet! (maybe he was ha!). “how are you feeling now” ? he asked. I looked out at him from under my fringe, make-up smudged, one eyelash on and one off and said simply “Sick”.  “I could give you an injection for the sickness if you would like”  he said ” yes please” I answered.

He came back and shoved a needle in my arm.  The St. John’s lady suggested I laid down and gave it a chance to work. I tried but it just made the nausea worse.  My friends had set up a rota and were coming in one at a time (Which was all that was allowed)to check on my well-being. Deciding that the injection had not been big enough I fathomed that maybe it I could be sick again I might fell better. So grabbing the bowl I stuck my fingers down my throat and tried. Alarmed the nurse told me to stop and grabbed my hand.! Nothing was working and with the prospect of a long and painful journey home I felt pretty miserable.

As the day drew to a close I was forced back out into the throng, as they shut up the first aid section. With Trudy leading me by the hand like a lost child, we headed for the station.  I put on my sunglasses and hid under my hat. I clutched the cardboard sick bowl all the way home and with one urgent toilet stop at Waterloo, I managed to get to Oakwood without a chuck!. But I knew it was imminent.  I got in a cab uttering not a word to the driver apart from my address, all my energies were spent in the effort it was taking  me not to be sick in the back of his car.

Throwing a ten pound note at him I leapt out of the car and rushed through the door into the kitchen were I promptly threw up all over the washing up in the sink. I then crawled into to bed and stayed there until the next day. I hear I missed a great evening of live bands in Ascot village to say I was pissed off would be an understatement!!.  My stomach has a lot to answer for and as I write its still not behaving itself. Obviously takes after its owner :).

Before the mayhem.

Before the mayhem.


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