I suddenly realised last week that it had been ten years! Ten whole years, this month that I left the family home and moved into my two up and two down Victorian Terrace with views of the Cooperative and my life changed for ever.
I went from being a married women and wife to a husband that had been In my life for over twenty years to being on my own! Something that I had not experienced since my early teenage years having gone from one relationship to another. Looking back I don’t think I had the confidence to play the field after my first marriage bit the dust. Plus I had limited money and three children to manage!
So is it any wonder that I latched on to the to the first guy that showed me some attention. He was ten years my junior and seemed sweet and attentive. A fling I thought, just what I needed to reassure myself I was still attractive despite being the mother of three.
Our steamy affair spanning about six months and conducted mostly in the back seat of his mini..(no mean feat I can tell you!) petered out when he decided he wanted to date a girl younger than him. Instead of taking it in my stride, I was surprisingly devastated! I had clearly got emotionally attached and spent the next few weeks crying into my wine glass and refusing food.
Unfortunately we couldn’t avoid each other as we had mutual friends. A few months later our eyes met and off went again the girl in question having moved on. This became our pattern it was on then off again. The passion and sexual chemistry constantly pulling us back together. It was exciting and enthralling but also wearing and exhausting.
When I eventually called time on it was his turn to be devastated and when I came back from my first ever girl’s holiday abroad he was waiting for me at the airport to propose. I said no! He begged and pleaded, sent me flowers, got friends to speak on his behalf and was relentless in his pursuit. Eventually, I gave in and we had a December wedding with the children as Bridesmaids and Pageboys!
The marriage was full of highs and lows, financial hardships and challenges but when our own son was born I thought we had cracked it! But our relationship remained stormy. He left a few times and his eye would wander but I kept hoping we would get through it. So imagine my heartbreak when after serious back surgery that rendered him unable to work and frequent hospital visits and him living each day in a haze of morphine, I discovered that he had been having a five year affair with my friend and neighbour! Not too ill to work on her then ??
That was 2008 and from the moment he left ( he didn’t want to go in the end) I embraced my new found single life with the gusto of a hurricane. I was determined to enjoy my freedom and play the field but wasn’t sure at my age if such a thing was possible. I soon found out that it was.
I made a conscious decision not to get into a relationship and so began my toyboy journey. The first two years are documented in my book of course, the joy I found in the arms of the younger man spelt out in graphic detail for the all the world to read. My two favourite toyboys getting plenty of book space.
The wiry green-eyed Australian and the gentle giant Irishman. Both gave me great pleasure and were around for many years. A younger woman eventually took the Aussie away as he settled into a ‘normal relationship’ This I was to discover was a frequent occurrence!
The Irishman however stuck around and is still in my head as I saw him only months ago. As my ten years anniversary of playing with boys arrived I decided to take stock of my life. The last ten years had been amazing with single life offering opportunities I didn’t know existed but what now ?
Being an older and newly single woman was a daunting prospect back in 2008. I was riddled with insecurities about myself! I was too old! too fat! too wrinkly! Plus there was the anger to deal with. The uncontrollable volcanic molten red mist that threatened to erupt at any given moment spewing out its vitriol over anyone that got in my way. It was of course mainly directed at my ex husband. All those years I had wasted looking after him. Being at his beck and call dealing with his mood swings and frustration because his body had let him down. Playing the role of the dutiful wife JESUS! The injustice of it all! Whilst I was doing all the caring he was busy doing all the shagging!
I decided to harness the rage and set about reinventing myself. I put up a large motivational stencil on a wall in my house that said “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain!” When life got the better of me and It did..often, I would look at that statement take a deep breath and dance! Music on full and dance around my kitchen like a lunatic.
Life became a joy, experiencing new things being free to make choices with no one to answer too. The adventures I have had still make me smile. Ten years of freedom fun and frolics! My dating life became spontaneous and lively. My sex life became passionate and exciting and I treated it like my new hobby! Finding not only orgasm’s of mammoth proportions but love, affection and such tenderness and adoration it could make you weep. And often did! To sum up I have never felt more alive!
So while I was pontificating on this ten year milestone and wondering whether I was getting to old for this wild and wonderful life, who should come back into my life but the wiry green-eyed Australian! It was as if I had come full circle.
As we sat chatting intently with me drinking in the long legs, perfect smile and the oh so familiar twinkle in his eyes I felt a familiar rush. Ah I thought to myself it seems I can still do this! Bring on the next ten years. There is life in the old dog yet! WOOF!!
For those of you who missed all the juicy details of my first two years as Older!Woman!Single!Life! read my book available on Amazon.
Till next time.. Gaynor xx