It’s funny how things can happen in the blink of an eye. In my last blog I made reference to the fact that my private life had been put on hold whilst my turbulent family life took me over, as it is prone to do from time to time.
I had not had a date or even the whiff of a toyboy for a few months and with the warmer weather having the usual effect on my libido I was beginning to eye up any man that passed by including the amazon delivery driver, the postman and guy behind the counter at the Co-op!!
Deciding it was time to dive back in i Tindered and Bumbled my way through an array of faces and profiles matching with quite a few. As the dialogue began I sighed, God I find this bit tedious! As the banter begins the same old questions crop up over and over again.
To be fair I’m not saying that I’m any better at the rapport building, it’s just getting over the first few interactions is Soooo boring! If I had a pound for every time I am asked “What is it you like about younger guys then ?” I would be a very rich woman indeed!
Another time -worn favourite is “What are you looking for on here?”. You can almost hear the panic reverberating from their end to yours!. Heaven forbid! that anyone should be looking for love or a relationship! ( I’m not looking for either ). I always give the same answer “I like to go with the flow and see where the chemistry takes me” . These words are usually received with great enthusiasm and before you know it their minds have wandered off and we are already working our way through every page of the Kama Sutra!
The next question is usually “Do you live alone?” . Dating only younger men as I choose to do, means that quite often they flat or house share or even worse still live with the parents! As an older woman I am very unlikely to get access to either! Nor would I want to. So it usually falls on me to provide the place for our private-time together. Things of course are complicated my end with the giant I live with so I am rather restricted but where there is a will there is a way and hotels just don’t do it for me.
But, we have rather jumped the gun here. I wouldn’t normally dream of inviting someone straight in the door. I like to meet them first ! Have drinks or dinner! Get to know each other and find out if in fact there is any chemistry! Because if there isn’t then it’s bye bye baby. At least if you are out somewhere you have plenty of opportunity to observe them in their natural habitat! (The pub) You can flirt and talk, watch the way they move and see how quickly they get the drinks in once your glass is empty.
The truth though, is actually a somewhat different animal. You know and I know that it’s usually the first few seconds that count. You may have checked his picture a thousand times just to be sure you like that face. You may have poured over his height ! His build ! His hobbies! But as the smile of recognition lights up his face and you smile back looking into his eyes and drinking it all in for the very first time all that carefully considered information becomes irrelevant. In that moment you know,instantly whether the two of you are ever likely to get horizontal. It really is that simple and works nine times out of ten.
There are the odd ones that grow on you but if you are on date three and your not getting overcome with desire then it’s probably never going to happen. Next!
Having been playing the dating game now for quite a while I like to cut to the chase as soon as I can and having handed over my number I ask them to call me. You are running the risk of getting a Willy Picture of course but better to find out early on if you are dealing with a dick! It’s amazing how quickly a simply phone call can sort the men from the boys!
Some will evade the phone call at all costs siting all manner of reasons!. They can’t talk now but maybe they could call you tomorrow ?. The word maybe is a dead giveaway, the call will never come. They are happy to text you incessantly though. Asking what are you up too ? wearing? bra size? Take my advice delete and move on!
So when I matched with a rather gorgeous guy on tinder, I braced myself for the usual questions! As the message came I was pleasantly surprised he had actually read my profile. His opening line was funny as was my reply and this banter continued for a while but it was engaging. He did ask if I lived alone and then reminded me that he was only in London for a few days as he was passing through on his way to Europe backpacking. I did ask him to call me but he was in a room full of others so this was difficult.
Having established that we couldn’t meet that night and that left only two days I said that sadly it looked like there wasn’t enough time for us to get together before his flight out. I wished him well and signed off, thinking to myself what a shame.
The next morning he text me again saying he felt he would regret not meeting me and could I talk? . After a fairly lengthy phone call where we got on like a house on fire we decided that maybe just maybe we could squeeze in a few hours during the day before his flight out. Arrangements were made for the next day, but as a seasoned dater I know that these can easily change.
The following morning first thing he text to check we were still on! I picked him up at the station two hours later . The moment he jumped into my car I knew instantly how my day was going to end. He was tall and well built with tousled dark hair to rival that of Jon Snow’s. He had bright blue eyes and a big smile that looked like a toothpaste advert. Muttering silently to myself “thank you god” I drove home.
We had planned to take a picnic to the park but the weather had turned and so I broke my own rules and invited him in. We spent a nice few hours getting to know each other and what happened next I’m sure you can guess. A friend of mine said to me (after I regaled her with my Toyboy tale) “Wasn’t that a bit pointless as he was leaving the country?” I took a moment to relive the steamy afternoon in my head and then grinning like a Cheshire Cat I replied “Absolutely not!”
My only regret if there has to be one, is that he went straight off to the airport and I will never have the pleasure of him ever again. But my drought was over and I was firmly back in the saddle. As the terrible events unfolded in Manchester and now London I was reminded yet again that life’s too short to sit on the fence! Sometimes you just have to take a chance and live in the moment!.
‘Carpe Diem’
