Following on from my six date challenge, I was forced to reflect on my lifestyle. All very well shouting from the roof tops about the benefits of dating younger men but now I was faced with some realities . I was forced to ask myself is emotional attachment the “downside” of impossible age gaps ?
After my long and heartfelt phone call with Irish I was feeling drained and upset. The need to see him was so overwhelming I was paralysed into thinking about nothing else. My good friend and partner in crime Amanda, was full of suggestions.” Why don’t you fly out and see him ? I think you should ! ” she said with concern on her face. She really liked Irish. I knew this would be a bad idea. I had promised that I would give him time to process everything we had discussed and as declarations had been made on both sides I felt this was needed. We did agree though, that this was a conversation we should have had face to face.
None of this sensible advice helped me feel any better. I was off my food (being back on the Irish diet) and the only time I felt normal was after half a bottle of wine. I discussed it with anyone that would listen including Rubbish Dave who had come to clear my front garden! God! I need to get a grip.
I trawled through the impossibilities in my head over and over again. There was no future in it! At best we could have a couple more years of seeing each I other sporadically! But now the subject of exclusivity had reared its ugly head how would that work ??. what ever way I looked at it was hopeless. The fact that we didn’t even live on the same island being the biggest problem. Day to day contact in the real world would probably have meant that this love affair would have run its course by now.. Or would it?. Frankly for the joy I got from it, I was willing to risk it and it wasn’t as if I hadn’t tried to move on!
In the end I decided that I would take myself out of the dating game for a while in order to take stock. Despite the fact that my ‘stock cupboard’ was full and there was plenty of variety on offer upon its shelves I just wasn’t interested. As messages piled up in my inbox from old and new possibilities I continued to ignore them. The more I ignored them the more they kept coming giving weight to the argument that men like a challenge. Not replying to their messages seemed to get under their skin and bruise their delicate ego’s !
It seemed a sensible idea that having got my fingers burned I should hide away in order to lick my wounds. After couple of weeks of box- sets, wine and crying on the bosom of the sisterhood I was beginning to feel a little better. My phone eventually stopped binging. .
After another week of self- imposed exile from my life, I began to feel a little restless. .My phone now silent begins to become my focus. Why hasn’t he text me or called as promised.? I know we didn’t put a timeline on it and he would need far longer than me but still I was desperate to know what he was thinking. After days of deliberation I gave in and sent him a “hope
you’re ok ..lets talk soon text”. Day 5 and my phone is still silent! …the clock is ticking….
For the beginning of this love affair read my book Sex and the Signposts -Available on Amazon.