Wrote this earlier in the year and thought it was still quite relevant….
Trying to plan the weekend should be simple and planning the working week even easier but with so many boxes to tick it becomes a complex business. My life is more complicated than most I know and that is because I am not being conventional. My somewhat dubious lifestyle choices don’t conform to what is considered the norm although I think its more likely that my poor choices where husbands were concerned that has led me to this place. Not that I’m complaining, according to the adverts on TV I should be running from store to store checking prices and then taking my receipts to Asda and getting a voucher for the difference ..wow! how exciting spending a morning with my friends looking at supermarket products on-line and getting orgasmic about getting things cheaper. What woman working or not, married or not ,with children or not has the F*****g time for all that. Then of course having shopped somewhere else you have to trump up at Asda and get your bloody voucher !! I know there is a credit crunch on but PLEASE ! Are there woman that actually do that..really?. Personally I rather get orgasmic..in the real sense of the word.
Its bad enough that every other store you go into has a loyalty card and you feel obliged to hand the thing over to get your points. Why does it all have to be so complicated. A woman’s purse is filled to bursting with enough cards to play a game of poker and we have to remember which store we are in and which card it matches just to get a few pence shaved of the price!
Then there is the criminal activity of actual needing a carrier bag.! The check out person looks you in the eye and says do you need bags?? and with a deep sigh hands you a meagre couple. Feeling guilty you mumble something about having forgotten your reusable ones, whilst shuffling your feet. You are then forced to ask for more making you feel like an arrest for misuse of carrier bags is imminent. The bags themselves are so flimsy that as you swing them from your trolley to the boot of your car they are sure to break spilling your Economy Shower gel and your large box of Durex Pleasures all over the car park. My very well organised daughter swears by the reusable bags and although I do possess some I have yet to remember to take them with me..I’m far to busy rushing to Asda to get my voucher !!.
I hate the fact that the creators of these bloody adverts have a target audience in mind and stereotype us all with the same brush. They also think that where our looks and hair are concerned we will swallow any crap they dole out as long as it is portrayed by a gorgeous model or actress. Do they really think we believe that Cheryl Cole and Davina McColl dye their own hair. I can just picture Cheryl sitting at her kitchen table with her little box of dye wearing her free rubber gloves, giving it all a good shake in the one hand and chatting to Ashley on her mobile with the other. Yeah Right!! And the mascara adverts that claim to give you longer thicker lashes and showing you what is clearly the largest set of false eyelashes known to man that could be put to good use at the end of a broom. So why do they do it ? Patronize us women folk. Lets have a group of men getting excited about the Asda price promise. I hear you say “no chance” and you would be right .The only thing that get men huddled around a lap top in groups would be a good porn film and I don’t think Asda are offering a voucher for those!!!. So we continue to be treated like “The Stepford Wives” and why ? Oh Yeah “because were worth it”!!! Anyway having got that off my rather large chest, I’m off to count my store cards.