I am often asked by all and sundry when discussing my single status…”Dont you want to meet someone” ?. I always shake my head and answer not at the moment. What they mean by the “Someone” is a man who I can call my own..a man to share my life and my bed and of course my age!. When I smile and say im quite happy playing with boys THEY look horrified. It often makes me question my motives and how I got to this place. Let me see, two long marriages..the first, ten years duration that covered most aspects..some joy, pain,infidelity,violence and then falling out of love not surprisingly. The second of twenty years duration more joy,less violence,lots of infidelity and the excruciating painful reality that I had wasted a great deal of time and effort not to mention faithful devotion on yet another “Wrong un”, as he planned his escape with my friend and neighbour to the Norfolk countryside. I asked myself where did I go wrong and I of course must shoulder some of the blame . With my judgement of men in doubt I decided that relationships of the serious kind should be put to one side lest I make the same mistake again. But despite my awful experiences I still love the company of men and being a sexual creature have needs to fulfill. It has always seemed obvious to me that woman are in charge of the sexual allowance. Deciding when and how often sex occurs. The men in my life were always chomping at the sexual bit and I would say yes or no depending on my mood or how often id been up in the night with my brood. (From my experience I was in charge of the children too) So suddenly there I am with no man at my beck and sexual call!. So out on the prowl I went and fell upon my first toyboy.
Finding that first experience exhilarating,uplifting and satisfying I decided that I didn’t need anything more for the time being. Three years later is that still the case ?. Well yes to a degree, I would like more opportunities to fulfil my desires. But my domestic situation is unlikely to change for sometime so I just have to make hay when the sun shines. And as I said in my previous blog sometimes feelings become deeper despite my efforts not to get attached so maybe I am thawing out a little. But having answered to men for years and having always put myself second I am still enjoying the freedom of choice. I can lay in bed all day if I want with no one moaning at me or asking me whats for dinner, where the socks are and can I feed the cat. I have control of the remote, the sofa and the CD player. I can dance around the kitchen naked and have my girlfriends round whenever I want. Its bliss!!.
There are only two occasions when I really miss a man. The first is when one my children has a problem whether it be emotional or practical and there’s only me to deal with it. I sometimes get overwhelmed with the responsibility. But I just have to cope and so I do. The second is in the bedroom and before you jump to the wrong conclusions I don’t mean in my bed (My toyboys have exceeded all my expectations there) I just really miss having a man to help me into my dresses…sometimes I need all the help I can get and I think my son is getting just a little fed up with me hauling him out of bed at silly ‘O’ Clock to push-pull squeeze and shove bits of me into my latest creation!. The toyboy of course then expends just as much energy and a lot more enthusiasm getting me out of it…..Ha! every cloud has a silver lining …now wheres the remote ? I want to watch “How to Look Good Naked” for the next time I’m dancing round the kitchen!!!!