Having stayed in for two weekends and spent a lot of time in the bosom of the family..it was time to break out and have a night on the town. Money being in short supply by way of a change!! we thought we would just go for a local drink and see of we could do a bit of talent scouting.
We were going to start early and do a pub crawl along the riverside pubs but the day ran away from us and before we knew it was gone 9pm and calling a cab we settled for the pubs more centrally placed. It had taken me ages to get ready..just couldnt find anything to squeeze myself into. Nothing looked right and everything was tight..dieting is gong well I remember thinking. Having shoe horned myself into something that looked remotely reasonable I stuck those gel cushions in my shoes and off we went.
The first pub was half full and we had a couple of cheap doubles to liven us up.but surveying the landscape the lack of talent was depressing. Onto the next..much livelier with better music and one or two that didn’t immediately send you rushing for the razor blades. But after closer inspection ..I obviously wasnt drunk enough. I ordered some sambukas to see if I could improve my eyesight…It didnt work.
Third time lucky we hoped and off to bar three and more sambuka! At last I had pulled but by what I can only describe as a midget. Half my size he came up to my naval. Grinning at me stupidly and watching my every move I realise that I had seen him the last time I had been in this bar.!
He eventually got brave enough to speak to me in broken English telling me that every time he saw me I did something too him! Well unless it involved a growth spurt of mammoth proportions he had no chance. I smiled the smile of the inebriated and escaped. Kate on the other hand was being accosted by a huge giant of a guy with amazing muscles and a nice smile but was unfortunately bald as a badger Kate is not a fan of the shaved head and in her usual plain speaking way told him so. He didn’t give up and persisted. At least he was big enough to look up too.
The scenery just wasn’t getting any better and despite wearing our beer goggles by now ..we decided to give up and try bar four. The only thing remotely interesting in this place is as usual is the lovely doorman . We had one drink and then went off to find a cab and home to end the night in the usual way! The unrequited female heads straight for the cupboard and eats anything she can get her hands on in this case buttered crumpets with marmite.
I know that we are apparently experiencing drought conditions but I didn’t think this extended to men as well. I mean where are they all. ? The eligible, well-heeled , well dressed, average height, average Joe, or Steve, or Dave!. Even the last time we went into the City there was not one single hottie! Maybe they have all been beamed up by aliens.
Usually during these lean times the internet offers an alternative but with the odd exception my favorite websites are also yielding very little in the tall dark handsome and into older women stakes!..There must be a world-wide shortage, of eligible bachelors. We don’t even care if they have been up the aisle once or twice as long as they are unencumbered now , give or take a sproglet or two.
It’s not that we are fussy I promise you and we come in all shapes sizes and ages!. Last time I looked there was at least six or seven of us all single and open to offers. But the men are in short supply. Maybe they are all hiding under the same rock or terrified of the professional working female who has a brain! I have no idea but if this carries on I might have to turn into a lesbian…mind you most of them would like that ! the times I get asked that question…makes a change from willy pictures I suppose…