I haven’t had a date in weeks! Not a whiff of aftershave has wafted under my nose let alone a mind blowing snog of mega proportions brushed my lips.

Why have I been in a dating desert you may well ask ? The answer is simple! I just haven’t had the bloody time. Being an avaricious dater requires an ex ordinate amount of time and dedication.  Swiping left or right can be done in seconds but if a match is made then what happens next requires the patience of a saint.

That said even the swiping can require the detective skills of Sherlock!  Why do guys insist on being photographed with six mates ? Trying to work out which one he is wastes valuable swiping time and then there’s the dog! Why oh why is there always a dog? I have never understood the need for the dog! 

I presume it’s to make the guy holding the furry creature  seem appealing! “Look at me I love animals” Doesn’t do anything for me! Leaves me cold! I prefer my men to smell of Bleu De Chanel not Hair De Dog!  Anyway,  I blame Tom Hardy ..he made dogs cool!

Dogs and mates aside once contact has been established then the messaging starts. Endless back and forths trying to establish whether you have the remotest thing in common and that’s only if I remember where Bumble Is concerned to send the first message before I run out of time. I am so used to leaving it to the guys I invariably forget! My bad!

This bit can take forever and can either fill you full of hope and anticipation or leave you feeling like a limp lettuce!  Some of the opening messages I have received make you want to cry and not always with laughter.  Not to mention the ‘Willy Pics’ Don’t get me started on those! Just clarify my point here are a few I have received recently

Lettuce Opener’s                                                                                                                      My Thought’s

So you prefer to date the younger man ?                                                                                     Wow he can read !

How are you keeping ? I’d like to bend you over and give you my rock hard cock!          Who said Romance was dead ???

What’s your favourite position ?                                                                                                    As far away from you as possible

How’s your week going ?                                                                                                                 You’ve just asked me a daft question so work it out

Would you like to hook up ?                                                                                                            Ooh he’s taking me fishing! 

 How naughty are you ?                                                                                                                   Well, I was in detention a lot at school 


These are just a meagre example of the many wonderful openers I have received recently. It is all so mind numbingly boring. Even if you get past this point and get them on the phone and hope rises in the form of a promised date the chances are they will flake and the date will never materialise.

I had a lovely chat will a guy the other day.  After a session of lengthy texting we spent at least  forty minutes on the phone. We got on well!  there was a frisson of chemistry and we talked about meeting on Monday. He was going to call me Sunday to arrange the details but it was a definite.  Sunday came and went  with no phone call or text. I sighed and mentally crossed him off my list.

On Monday evening when we should have been elbows deep in a bottle of wine and looking into each others eyes I get a message

Hey how are you ? I think we were meant to meet tonight ?

Me through gritted teeth ” yes I think so” 

“I was doing stuff and completely forgot!”

Well how Charming! I’m so pleased our forty minutes of flirting a whole two days a go was emblazoned on your memory.

“Are you free another night?” 

Funnily enough No! 

Another couple of hours of my life I won’t get back..and that’s the thing about dating using apps and websites you have to be dedicated and be prepared to put the hours in. You need to swipe a lot of rights and spend hours eliminating the wrongs in order to get within licking distance of a man.

I’m sure that this isn’t just a problem for women, I am sure that men have just the same problems.   I mean after all they have the football to fit in as well 🙂 . Plus there is so much choice, so many different apps and websites to choose from and the endless profiles. Who else is like me? once I  get a match I think whoo! whoo!  my luck’s in and I keep going.  Ten matches later I am so overwhelmed with guys to talk to that the best ones probably get overlooked! 

The truth is that you probably need ten in your basket in order to make one decent selection and have even the hope of a date. I mean isn’t that what it’s supposed to be about actually meeting in the flesh. But it all takes time and in today’s busy world where we are rushing from one thing to another ticking all our boxes is it any wonder that dating gets pushed to,the bottom of the pile.

So more dedication is required and dating needs to be put at the top of your to do list and not at the bottom and if like me you are feeling that you may be suffering from PSF (Post Swiping Fatigue) then be brave! give yourself a swiping break!  Close your apps down for a couple of weeks or months and get out and about and mingle in a target rich environment and see what a bit of face to face flirting can do. If you need help with the real thing then reading Matthew Hussey’s Get The Guy will point you in the right direction!Happy Hunting !





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