I was still recovering from the weekend in Butlin’s Bognor when I received a text from an unknown person! This was because I didn’t have the number saved in my phone!. Presuming it was from my Fireman friend from Saturday night I answered accordingly. After text three I realised in fact that this was not the “Fireman” I was talking too oops!. Damn it! now I was forced into asking the question “who is this” ? It turned out to be a TB I had spoken to ages ago and lost contact with on the grounds that he was too far away! I apologised and explained! note to self always keep numbers! He was amused and asked what I had been up too I skimp over the antics..didn’t want to give him to too much food for sexual thought, which I imagined he was angling for!
Monday loomed far too soon and a busy week lay ahead. Mondays are always quiet for the most part on a personal level. Your common or garden toyboy is usually recovering from a lively weekend (same as me then Ha!) contact is unlikely until late in the day and I have noticed a pattern to the week over the years. Activity will perk up Monday evening and really liven up on Tuesdays!. Wednesday is also busy and then you get a slump on Thursdays..this continues into the weekend. Of course a late night text is always a possibility and a Saturday or Sunday morning email when they are hung over and feeling rampant also figures.
My Favorite website Toyboywarehouse.com (TBW) had bought forth some interest and a rather gorgeous looking young man had emailed me. Cutting straight the chase I offered up my phone number and said call me. Much to my surprise he did and we got on well.. Kerching!
At this point Toyboy loser trumped-up with a text which I ignored!. Tuesday came and busy at our desks Chloe and I were trying to find more French people for our client! heads down. Our office is a shop front and we have a good view of the road outside and it is a constant source of amusement. The people who trundle up and down are remarkable to say the least and Chloe and I have nicknames for them all. There is:
The Hobbit A tiny little man with a walking stick that hobbles passed daily.
Michelin Man Who gets fatter and fatter every week and I’m sure is going to explode one day!
The Mad Hatter Tall lady that is completely bonkers always wearing a large wedding hat and usually armed with a children’s fishing rod She has a habit of running up and down the road sideways usually holding up the traffic!
The Garden Gnome A miniature of a man dressed from head to toe in Chelsea Pensioner Uniform and sporting a Dumbledore beard!
Wyatt Earp Suited and booted with long flowing shoulder length grey hair a handlebar moustache and cuban heels.
And Joseph of course the purse stealer from my previous blog!
So we were both very startled when a loud bang came from outside! As I turned I saw a large panel van across the road jump in the air and shunt into the other large panel van parked in front of it and another loud bang resounded. As Chloe’s mouth dropped open (she had a better view) there was a large thud behind us. . Leaping up we went to look outside. The building next to us now had a Blue Car pinned against it which had knocked the door completely in and was a proper mess.
Sitting at the wheel was an old lady somewhat shaken and bewildered. She had no idea what had happened. But from what we gathered instead of pulling forward she had slammed her car in reverse and shunting the vans carried on reversing clean across the road mounting the pavement and hitting the building next door. It was a bloody miracle that no one was killed. The street is always full of school children and people including the odd ones.
Police arrived and although she seemed unhurt she was taken to hospital for checks. We found out she was 82 and I doubt she will ever drive a car again according to the Policeman who was in charge. We went out to help and called the landlord next door so that he could come and shore up his door!. Never a dull moment on this street.
The following day was miserable and pouring with rain and I had popped to the shops in the car to get things preparation for Kate’s birthday bash this weekend. As I got out of my car umbrella up, I saw a large man coming towards me. He had shoulder length hair and was very big “Demis Roussous” came to mind. He was smiling at me and said hello. Figuring he was just being friendly I passed a remark about the weather and went to leg it up the road. He came closer and saying “Sorry” he asked me if I worked on the road. I said yes and waved vaguely in the direction of the office. Grinning insanely at me he said “I’ve seen you about a lot!” (Funny I couldn’t say the same and believe me you couldn’t have missed him!) He then proceeded to tell me I was gorgeous and could he take me out for a drink ? Bloody hell I didnt see that coming!
Flustered and blushing I said politely “thanks that’s very nice of you but I can’t I have a BF! (thank god that jumped into my head)he persisted “Really ? there is no chance ?! Listen mate I felt like saying if we were on a Desert Island and alone I would rather date a monkey! But I smiled sweetly and said sorry again and bustled off up the road as fast as I could!.
Before I could compose myself I saw a familiar figure looming under the bus-stop! Oh Christ really ? It was an ex- toyboy of mine that I hadn’t seen for at least a year. A local lad he was a bit of a gypsy but there was something about him I always liked.! We had quite a few steamy encounters during my “Going Mad Phase” directly after my separation. He was the most amazing kisser and had won me over with his gentle ways. He wasn’t very tall about 5ft 8ins and had lots of black curly hair nice shoulders and a cheeky smile.
He was always the gentleman but was a bit of a no- hoper. Not that that, had bothered me after all I didn’t want to marry him did I ?. I remember our first drink educed encounter very well. It was a rampant raunchy and steamy couple of hours and for a guy that was not too tall he was very well erm…endowed. Actually hung like a horse comes to mind!! I have yet to write a chapter on him for the book but I think he deserves one and I really must pen that soon.
Anyway there he was before me getting wet..fag in hand as usual. I smiled broadly and said a bright hello and how are you ? . He smiled the smile of “Ive seen you naked”and we exchanged a few words and marching on I strutted straight passed into the local shop to gather myself! Buying toilet roll always has a sobering effect.
Giggling to myself I go back into the office to recant my tales to Chloe. That same evening Laura comes for dinner and needing to get some wine I decided to go to the Co-op! Matilda loves to shop and asks if she can come so sweetly I can’t refuse. I know she will want to buy a “paper” (magazine) and some sweets.
The Co-op has automatic opening doors and Matilda had insisted we bring “Billy Bear” with us and we are holding one paw each. The shop is heaving and there is a long queue. As the doors open before us everyone looks up..I spot in the line-up another “Friend” of mine and nodding hello I take a step into the shop Matilda excitedly runs towards the magazine shelf and trips over my feet and unbalances me as I struggle to stay upright. My shoes wet from the rain start slipping on the wet shiny mat she falls underneath me screaming at the top of her voice and Billy Bear goes flying . I wobble too and fro and in order not to fall on top of her I do the splits.! much to the amusement of the watching queue! How lovely and embarrassing!!! Fourth blush of the day I turn a lovely shade of red and gathering Matilda up I try to quieten her down.
Second note to Self: maybe I should just put a bag over my head every time I leave the house or better still never leave the house again!
