Having just dragged myself out of bed…and limped down the stairs..feeling about 90 years old I am again reminded that the older you get the harder it is to stay in shape. Having neglected the gym recently..just been too damn busy! I knew that I had to get back in there otherwise the dalliances that I so enjoy might be cut short so I had given myself a rather tough workout yesterday ! Although I know only too well that being a somewhat voluptuous and  curvaceous woman has its attractions and has certainly not held me back in the world of playing “Mrs Robinson”.  It would not take much for that attractiveness to turn into repugnance!. Keeping an older body well oiled is bloody hard work!!.

I suppose a lot of it is down to genetics. I used to think that nature has been rather cruel when I was growing up.  I had not been blessed with either a pretty face or a naturally slim disposition. In fact I was a rather rotund child. probably the result of eating too many portions of my mum’s Bread Pudding and Spotted Dick.  Then there was the hair! Being a Ginge in those days made you a prime target for ridicule and I can still hear the chants in my head “ginger nut fell in the cup and frightened all the fishes”.  I was further hampered by early puberty, probably caused by the extra pounds I was carrying.  I had one growth spurt after another and although I slimmed down a bit I towered above the rest of my class like a giant, attracting more insults. (Whats the weather like up there ?)

My adolescent was difficult, I was shy and used to blush a lot (great! red face to match the red hair)  Looked down on nearly all the boys , tall boys were a rarity back then not like now, most teenage boys look like they have been put in “Grow Bags” . Trying to find shoes that didn’t make the situation worse was a nightmare.  The “No Make-up” policy at my strict church school didn’t help me with my pale eyelashes and I had a massive gap in my teeth (My mum used to assure me that the gap would close) which in fact it did..eventually.  I was the butt of many jokes and my confidence was zero.

My best friend was a gorgeous waif like creature with huge blue eyes long blonde hair and diminutive proportions.  I spent all my time passing messages on from the best looking and most sought after boys and she was much in demand. I on the other hand was everyone’s “Friend”.

Gradually I blossomed just enough with the help of make-up and flat shoes to stumble upon my first sexual experience.  I was in my sixteenth year and had yet to experience my first kiss ( well no one wanted to stand on an orange box) So when I was grabbed by a green-eyed and gorgeous older boy named Gary at a local dance I nearly ran away.  With my stomach churning he danced me around the floor refusing to let me go and declaring that he had a big thing for Redheads..(Thank you god!!) With out further ado he snogged my face off in front of everyone..in fact it was more like marathon and went on and on and on.I remember being totally electrified…every nerve ending seemed to be on fire and I think my sexual off switch had been turned very publicly and firmly ON!.  I wandered home that night in a total dream and Idid date Gary for a bit after that. He used to pick me up in his Blue Ford Anglia and we would go to the cinema or out with friends.  We never did get past the petting stage..something I was to regret later and I think he got bored with my lack of conversation. I spent most of our dates looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

I lost my virginity to a guy called Robert who I had been resisting and dating for a few months..by now I was seventeen and the last of my friends to do the deed!. It was New Years Eve and I was suitably sozzled when opportunity presented I was more than ready.  I remember thinking…well if this was sex I like it!. I wouldn’t let him near me again until I had been a brave girl and gone by myself to the doctors to ask for the “Pill”. After that I couldn’t get enough of him until he dumped me for someone else some months later. I was broken-hearted and it knocked my confidence yet again.  I dated a few people after that but it wasnt the done thing to sleep around so I didn’t!. I met my future husband at eighteen and was married by twenty!

It wasnt until much later that I got the opportunity to “play the field”.  Someone said to me the other day when reading my blog that it didn’t deliver what they expected. Reading between the lines I quickly realised he meant sexual content!. All I can say is that in my book also called “Sex and the Signposts” I do go into  much more detail and when it is published all will be revealed.  I just didn’t think my blog was the place to get down to the nitty-gritty although I may change my mind!. Oh and for those of you that want to know it was just me and the remote on Monday evening “What a surprise” but I have plenty of possibilities on the horizon so lets hope I get to play soon and with that in mind I had better drag this “creaking gate” to the gym again…..fit not fat is chanting in my head….

Before it all went wrong!

Who Cut my hair ???Before it all went wrong!

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