I am sitting here..glass of red in the one hand and a cigarette in the other ..well almost. It’s early Friday evening and I have Star Trek The Original Series rolling on the TV in all its cardboard, awful stunts and ridiculous story line glory!. The blinds are down and its been raining all day and I have come in from the office having spent the afternoon on my own, frazzled, frayed and on the edge.

I haven’t blogged for a few weeks because I like to have something positive or funny to put out there and frankly I have been running on empty. I find it hard to write when under huge amounts of stress but decided this evening that maybe a bit of writing might actually give my brain a rest.

The reason for the overload is besides the usually dramas that afflict my children, friends and work colleagues my mum has been ill. The illness started out as a chest infection, went onto a bad back and then she had a fall. Her condition has deteriorated over a period of 6 weeks and I’m sure none of the above are unusual for a 91  old. She has always been in rude health a bit of COPD but has never seen the inside of a hospital for which we are all very grateful but time has taken its toll and she seems to be finding it hard to shake of her malaise.

This of course has meant many visits from me..many phone calls to doctors and finally culminated in a second fall and a visit to A and E. I cant fault our local hospital and the fact that they are going to close the A and E unit soon seems to me incomprehensible. We have now settled her into an intermediary care ward where hopefully she will gain her strength back but having spent all afternoon in the hospital and with other family issues coming to bear I am now in a state of exhaustion.

I have a theory about the circle of life and it often comes to pass that as new life enters the world at the bottom end of a family .those at the top end ..the elders seem to depart. It is of no surprise to me that with the our gorgeous new baby Sophie entering the world on January 21st..my mum then falls ill on the 24th. All is as it should be and life goes on in an infinite circle.

I am hoping that with the hospitals intervention that mum will rally and find the strength to carry on. She is the much valued head of the family and with her three children, eight grandchildren and her nine great grandchildren all standing in line the loss would be enormous. But then none of us get out alive do we ? and the light is fading. Its just the reality we all face.

Even a two hour conversation with my Irishman has not lifted my mood although a visit from him surely would. Lets hope that will be soon. A reminder of the ‘Joy’ is long overdue and although not a cure will somehow just make me feel better..Amen!


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