Sex! A subject that still rules the world. Why is it that sex still dominates us as human beings ? Despite being better educated than we have ever been and enlightened into the ways of the Universe in all its glory we are still driven by our darkest desires.
Politicians, Royals and your average Joe Public alike succumb to sexual encounters outside the moral guidelines. It would seem that despite knowing what is better for our consciences and peace of mind we still stray into deviant amoral and gung- ho sexual behaviour. So why do we do it.?
Are our hormones to blame ? Is the need to procreate so ingrained in out Psyche that we keep on trying even when we know it’s bad for us or actually downright impossible! We spend a lot of time pretending to be educated beyond our carnal desires, we dress it up as love or just simply beyond our control. I’m rather fond of my carnal desires…as a woman of a certain age I am bloody delighted I still have some! And as you know I am happy to talk about it to anyone who will listen!
So when discussing a date I had recently with my long suffering girlfriends, I got asked “Was the sex good?” I started with the usual rolling of the eyes and the word delicious thank you and then I stopped and I pondered on the subject. I thought it was delicious but would they have ? I mean what is the definition of good sex? Is it the length of time the encounter takes ? A session with a ‘Wham-Bam thank you ma’am man’ might suit some women who may find the ‘goes on forever man’ really annoying.
Is it the amount of time he spends on the foreplay warming you up to a frenzy of desire so overwhelming you can’t wait for him to stick it to you. Or is it the man that throws you on the bed rips your clothes off and doesn’t even bother with so much as a tweek of your clitoris ? Oh and before I get shouted at I am purely talking about this question from a female point of view. After all its the only one I have! If there are any men out there who would like to tell me what their definition of Good Sex is I would be happy to hear their thoughts on the subject although I have the feeling that the answer may simply be ‘Any’! :). You can contact me at Gaynor@sexandthesignposts.com
Of course the obvious equation is good sex equals orgasm…job done! But we know don’t we girls ? that Pythagoras may have to redo his sums on this one. The percentage of women that actually reach orgasm through good old plain rumpy-pumpy is as low as 25 per cent according to some studies. Which means the rest of us are scrambling about trying to climb the mountain in some other way. (I include myself in this bunch)According to the same study there are some people that even then! sadly find the magic of orgasm beyond their reach. I am very grateful not to be one of them.
So my next question is does the lack of orgasm mean the answer to the original question “was the sex good?” a loud and resolute no!! I don’t think so ..do you ? Sex can be a gloriously exhilarating and fulfilling experience even if we fail to scale the mountain right to the top…
And where does love fit into the this sweaty slippery writhing ? Is love essential to the satisfaction we feel before during and after ? I’ve had the most amazing sex with and without the love word. I have felt emotionally connected to many of my lovers. Some more than others. Sex with a stranger or a one night stand does not have to be a soulless fuckfest! A connection is either made or it is not! But you are at least not laying there hoping they will finish soon…the frisson of a new body to explore will bring its own form of ecstasy!
I suppose it’s all about how far we set the bar and I am not even going to enter the discussion on does size matter ...groan I have already covered that in a previous blog.
But ‘good sex ‘ can be hard to define and varies from person to person…but one thing I think we can all agree on is that when it’s bad it can truly be awful! But remember, the world does loves a trier! So don’t give up if your first encounter does not leave you gasping and hungry for more. Like climbing that mountain..you have to put in the training effort and determination if you are ever going to enjoy that breathtaking view!
Until next time