DATING DISASTERS I’VE HAD A FEW..

With my summer festivities well under way and three days at Royal Ascot looming fast I decided I just had time to fit a quick evening in with my new found instadater.  For those of you who follow my blog you will  know that ‘private time‘ with my toyboys is often hard to find due to my domestic circumstances, so when my dear friend Amanda offered me her flat for the evening I grabbed the opportunity by the short and curlies. But dates sometimes don’t go as planned do they ? So take my advice,  it’s always best to keep your sense of humour tucked firmly in your knickers just in case!

With arrangements made I was soon picking my date up from the station. As he jumped in the car I was reminded again of his youthful appearance and did an inward wince. The flat is only five minutes away from my house and I am permanently  in charge of keys as I feed Amanda’s four cats  when she is away without me ( which isn’t often these days ).

Once settled in the flat we sat side by side holding hands and chatting animatedly about my holiday and everything else inbetween. I was drinking my favourite strong cider as it had been a hot day and he was swigging lager from the bottle. After about an hour we were both relaxed and warming up nicely with the odd kiss here and there.

The TV was playing in the corner  to no one in particular and getting up I threw him the remote and  asked him to change  the channel. Listening to the news was hardly mood enhancing and I went off to the kitchen to get more booze. I walked back in the room realising that I was already feeling the effects of the cider to find him rummaging through his bag and rubbing his eyes.

“You ok babe ?”  I asked  “yeah my eyes are just a bit  sore, must be me contacts I’m changing them for a new pair” “Oh”  I said “why bother ? give your eyes a rest”  “ Can’t see a thing without them ” he replied.  Thinking how that would work to my advantage when the removal of clothing was imminent I said ” you don’t need to see well “ and giggled loudly.  “No”!  he retorted “I want to see everything!” and then smiled broadly   Fine I thought as I subconsciously sucked in my stomach.

We resumed our places on the sofa slowly moving into the horizontal position . Suddenly there was a bang and I realised the cat flap had been activated and Amanda’s oldest feline resident Tabitha waddled into the room. A fur ball on legs she made her way into the kitchen.  The other three cats had scarpered as soon as they realised there were intruders. My date scarcely noticed as he planted kisses on my neck and began working his way down.

Caught up in the moment we saw no need to move and a passionate frenzy unfolded on the sofa. Somewhere in the back ground I could still hear the TV which he seemed to have changed to a gardening program doh!  “ If you are looking for something to fill up your borders then these nice hibiscus bushes will do the job ”   blah blah blah! Smiling inwardly I pushed away all thoughts of compost and grabbing my lovers thick dark hair I kissed him with passion and gazed into his beautiful green eyes.  The light was fading and we had the curtains drawn but I could still see him clearly . His beautiful green eyes were red raw and so bloodshot he looked like Count Dracula!  Quite appropriately and at that moment he bit me rather too hard causing me to complain!.  Not wanting to spoil the flow I said nothing and we continued to play.

But as soon as we were spent he was up rubbing his eyes and mumbling something about a cat allergy.  Ah ha! that would explain it ! He kept apologising and rubbing and apologising and rubbing..but I could see he was in a great deal of discomfort.  I leapt up still half naked and started banging about searching the flat for antihistamines. I knew Amanda took them regularly. I text her to ask but got no reply . Finally I found them in the kitchen along with eye drops. He used both gratefully and then joining me back on the sofa he kissed me briefly and we started all over again. This time though I lead him to the bedroom. Hopefully less cat hair in there.

Before long and feeling totally satiated despite the interruptions I called him a cab and off he went still looking like the Prince of Darkness poor guy!  I languished on the sofa going over the evening and making a mental note that when I next use Amanda’s flat I best get a medical questionnaire completed.:) and find out how to locate the music channel..although those tips on bushes were very interesting …maybe I should plant some more seeds…

 

dracula

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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