I decided that maybe for a change and because certain people who read my blog have asked me to write more about my private and personal life  that I would upload a piece that I wrote for the book.  It’s a more recent chapter that talks about the close relationships that had developed with my two favorite toyboys.

I did think about giving you all a few snippets from the completed book but because of the explicit detail it goes into I just didn’t think I could.  The other reason is that I live in hope of finding a publisher and wouldn’t want to spoil my chances. But Id be interested to know anyones thoughts on this piece and whether you would be interested in what happened leading up to this point…

Gutted! Chapter 24

I knew the day was coming, I was in a place of inevitability the hints were all there laid out before me. The lack of visits, with none planned or offers of when. The texts sharing his thoughts that he should settle down sometime soon as it had been a while. So when the text arrived telling me that he had met someone and she was “real nice” and he “like her a lot” I was not surprised “The Aussie” had a girlfriend !!  For the second time in our two-year long liaison. (well two that he had acknowledged I’m sure there were more that he failed to mention). So sighing deeply but not too heartbroken I text back that I hoped it worked out well for him (luckily he couldn’t see the gritted teeth though which this message was sent) and that to keep my number just in case.

His last acknowledged relationship had not lasted long, not that I wished it upon him but her loss was my gain and despite the lack of visits of late there was always the possibility of one tantalising and tempting before me. That possibility was now a misty cloud far off in the distance and completely out of my control. He responded to my answer with “Just in case I want the ginge ?” I will want you. You are beautiful. I will keep your number safe.

He was dressing up the letting down I imagine, but it made my heart leap to read the words. I don’t think anyone could refer to me as beautiful in the real sense of the word but a picture I had sent him recently just a head shot was a good one and I almost blushed at his tender endearments. I thanked him and said that I would always remember him and in any event he was immortalised in the book. He laughed and said let me know when it is published. Huh! well who knew when that would be, my agent having failed in his quest to find me a publisher.I had emailed him the whole and completed book and he hadn’t even given me his opinion on the rest of it. I had even suggested a publishing house to for him to try. But my email remained unanswered.

With this in mind and given in to an overwhelming feeling of fondness for my young Australian I offered to send him a chapter in which he starred in as it seemed only fair. He answered immediately with that he would love to read it. With his latest email address in my in box I dispatched the introduction and Radio Active Romance and Waltzing Matilda in which he featured.

His next text was an interesting one as he wanted details of what I was wearing and by this he didn’t mean underwear I winged back LBD and stilettos. He answered warmly and just for the moment it was as if another visit was imminent but alas this of course was not the case.

I was expecting some response to my email but didn’t get one. So two days later I text to see if he had received his part in my book. He replied saying that he had read it and it had evoked some good memories and that it was very well written and that I had been most complementary about him. I answered that I was pleased he liked it and that I just saw him that way.

I told him to take care and said i was off to find his replacement followed by a lol!. His answer swift and abrupt was “You have a date ?” I said yes later..abrubtly again “how old is he”? I answered 25 he then made a joke about hoping he was well endowed…I replied in similar style “me to lol!” and he then sent a very short  “have fun!. I replied that I would but I was bemused his replies had seemed a bit angry or perhaps I was just misreading them. He was never that quick to respond and never that short.

He must know that if he offered to visit I would put off any other date…well almost any…The only one that would remain firmly in my diary would be one with young Danny. He would get a space cleared in a heartbeat

But like the Aussie no visits had been forthcoming and I had not seem him for months.It had not been the plan we had made one steamy hot July day.  He had gone home to Ireland weeks before and then had to come back to redo some Uni work a film he had made was not up to scratch.  I remember the day he made the film  he had visited me directly after..I hoped the visit to me had not made him rush…But the fact he was back was good news to me. We had spent last weekend together and he had wanted to come again the following weekend. With no flats available my daughter had kindly offered to swap so that she would stay in my Victorian terrace and I could have the flat. We had a wonderful sex filled evening,night and morning.

When time came to go to the station he was reluctant and  wanted to go for a drive so roof down off we went parking up somewhere and made love again for the umpteenth time. Saying goodbye was hard I felt close to tears but held myself in check it wouldn’t be fair to sadden him and i knew it would.  We had discussed his return in the autumn and planned to rekindle our passion. Thnigs would be different though, as he would be working as part of his degree in London and would have his own flat. He even talked about us meeting up weekly and saying i could stay there.

I didn’t place too much store on it but I hoped it would pan out.  I was going to miss him and the sex terribly.  I was surprised to hear from him the next day whilst he was waiting for his plane at Gatwick. We had a long chat and this was followed by a text a week later telling me he was missing me already and that he was off to do some filming abroad and would be out of touch for a while.  We kept in loose contact for the rest of the summer the odd text and phone call. He was due back in October but I sensed a change.

 When I was almost sure he was due back I texted his reply took some days this was not unusual but he seemed distracted and anxious. He had found out that his working days were going to be very long and hard. He wanted to settle in the flat and get started on the job before he did anything else.  I was disappointed but still hopeful and gave him space.  When a text I sent him got no response and weeks had passed I accepted that he was just busy being a boy abroad in london and his “Mrs Robinson” phase had passed.

But wanting to get an end on it I text him that I understood he was busy and that I didn’t figure in his current plans and I wished him luck and to take care and that he had been very special. Feeling very sentimental as I composed it and having had a large glass of red wine I welled up. Pushing the send button I lit a cigarette and took a deep breath.  I would have liked to have told him in person but that was never going to happen now.

 To my surprise I got a reply. ” It’s not that Gbird I just have no time to myself at the moment ! I will call you in the week”.  I looked at the text blankly. All he needed to do was answer ok and I’m sorry or its been fun. I had handed him a get out of jail free card and he hadn’t taken it. So now I was back to playing the waiting game.Great!!  Pouring all this out to my sensible long time married friend who must have thought that her mate was bonkers to have any sort of feelings for a twenty year old I felt better and another large glass of wine and a cigarette  later I managed to sleep. My phone rang two days later …..(to be continued)


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