I thought that as I got older, I might..just might slow down a bit. That my libido would take second place to my need for a good book! the latest box set or an early night! But no! Still at the top of my to do list is my desire for sexual adventures.
This may be of course because I am not in a conventional relationship and do not therefore have sex on tap as I used to when I was married. And just to clarify, this is not an arrogant statement, I was to find in both my marriages that I was in charge of the sexual allowance, it may not be true of all long term relationships but for me it was. If I wanted sex I instigated it but most of the time I acquiesced to the desire of my husband at the time, which seemed to be quite a lot!
So as much as I do love a box set and a good book they do not fill me with the same mind occupying preoccupation of a sexual encounter. Not that any sexual encounter will do! One thing I have found out from experience is that both the chemistry and desire need to be intoxicating and mind-blowing. If you find yourself going through the motions you are better off self helping to relieve the tension with whatever method suits you best.
There is nothing worse than a sexual experience that falls flat on it’s face, your face! his face! anyone’s face! A lack lustre experience can make you wonder why you bothered in the first place.
My continuing desire is probably fuelled by my use of HRT and my particular brand! Whenever I am challenged to either stop or change to another more Bio Identical one ( the new watch word in HRT btw ) I always ask innocently “and does it have the three components?” Knowing full well the answer will be no! It’s that third component ..that tiny bit of Testosterone that gives me my edge and I like it! So I always politely decline to change.
So just in the middle of a dry spell more due to my own choices than a lack of opportunity I find myself in a whatsapp exchange with an an old acquaintance of the toyboy variety. We had a lovely sex driven liaison some years ago that had been both intoxicating and emotionally connecting and he had rated highly in my ‘relationships of sorts’ and had a dedicated chapter in my book!
We remained on good and affectionate terms and kept in loose contact . So as we engaged in an exchange of catch up I felt the desire to see him coming over me in waves. I sent him a recent picture ( nothing indecent) and asked for one in return. The picture of him that pinged back of him in a suit with his large blue eyes crinkled at the corners and his wide smile revealing white even teeth sent me into overdrive. I was virtually salivating.
As the exchange continued I recalled in technicolor our first encounter in the front of my convertible and how we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Deciding that we couldn’t wait we somehow managed to contort ourselves in a very small space. I remember all too clearly how he looked naked! body wet from the shower arms held high above his head as he dried his long blond hair. His body was honed toned and perfectly formed and he had the most peachy backside,perfect for digging your nails in!
And so the chemistry was reignited and although we were miles apart I could almost touch the electricity between us. I was so distracted I couldn’t concentrate! I left the house without my keys,struggled to park the car (the same Convertible) I was flushed and excitable. He was similarly affected saying he needed to go for a run before he got in his car and headed in my direction. I replied “run here …please”
I spent the next few hours in a such a state of heighten desire It was impossible to do anything properly. I kept looking at the picture and then sending another text…willing him to come in my direction. In the end self help was the only option but as is often the case it doesn’t squash the desire for that particular person. It’s like wanting the taste of Champagne and ending up with Prosecco. Your thirst may be quenched but somehow you feel cheated.
He was still on my mind the next morning when I sent him a text asking if he had survived. His reply was that he had but I was still on his mind. And there I left it. Hard as it was to put him down I knew I must. I don’t think his wife would appreciate our exchange.
So it would seem my libido and desire are still very much alive and kicking and what I need to do now is to find someone to fill the space that he has created. It’s a long time since I went hunting.. but it seems like the Cougar is once again at large!
Until next time …Gaynor xx
p.s. If you want to know the full story (with all the naughty bits) regarding this affair download my book Sex and The Signposts available on Amazon. Chapter 15