I’m a busy woman I have a full-time job, a house to keep,shopping to do , children, friends to see and at my age my body needs regular maintenance and servicing!. So when I go onto one of the two dating websites that I have profiles on to read messages and chat to potential dates I like to cut straight to the chase.

I rarely search profiles, I just keep my profile updated with current info and pictures and see who responds to me. I get a lot of interest (which is lovely) I am polite and if I am interested I make it fairly clear. So after the usual exchanges. “Hi thanks for the message! Card! Wink! ? You look Hot ! . We get to find out where each other lives and even wow! actual names .

The next question I often have to answer is the big “What am I looking For ? You can almost see the anxious frown and sweaty hands as they type the question. But wait I have breaking news….

I interrupt this blog to give you an important bit of information that has just been sent to my phone two seconds a go..The guy that was chatting to me earlier on one such website and who was going to ring me this evening has decided to share with me instead.. his innermost thoughts..and sent me a picture of his Dick!! How wonderful that he has one ! how amazing! and unusual! For ‘FUCK’S SAKE  give me strength. Why do they do it ?

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the beauty of the male appendage. I do really I do..in context. The sight of a really beautiful one honing into view reminds me of the sun rising..Nothing you can do to stop it..warm shiny and glowing…gives endless pleasure..makes me hot and puts the biggest smile on my face. And hopefully rises to the occasion every day. But then its there in the room with me..available for me to enjoy and hopefully attached to a gorgeous man who I have got to know.

I have a rule about “willy pictures” I have no problem being sent one if I have had the pleasure and know the person to whom it is attached. I have no problem if they ask first and I have said yes and I have got to know them well even in just the virtual world. But I find the interruption to my evening after a few emails and texts both rude and irritating. Especially when I was expecting a phone call instead!.

My reply was as follows ” Huni (polite see!)I said phone me not show me your dick! I have a whole collection and they bore me! and as that picture is obviously the most interesting thing about you im out!” Surprisingly having been caught with his pants down I have received no reply!

The male of the species must go to some secret school where they are trained in how to take a picture of their willy’s to make them appear larger. They must spend endless hours on their phones under the sheets click click clicking away whilst holding their prize possession at various angles. Lets hope with all the posing and positioning that they have a box of tissues handy. Maybe that’s why they have to send their phones back so often..got wet in the rain my arse!!!.

But at least the unsolicited picture proves the point I was trying to make in this blog! When the inevitable question of “what are you looking for ” is asked you know what they don’t want to hear! The words relationship,serious,partner and the biggest No! No! of all marriage. This will cause the sweating to break into a full-blown panic attack!!.

My answer is always the same “I’m open, depends on the person, long or short-term but I am definitely not looking for another husband! This usual means that I get the green light and at this point I like to either chat on msn or better still get talking on the phone. So numbers exchanged and the promise of a call is forthcoming and so you wait! The waiting can go on and on. Excuses will be made ..at work..family at home..lost phone. Or the texts start instead and even when you remind them of the expected phone call they say they will ..and even promise and still you hear bugger all!.

There are exceptions to this rule of course and they are the ones you want Those that do as they say and actually do want to get to know you . This in turn should materialise into an actual date and who knows some time soon you may be watching the sun rise ). I have spoken to one such person recently and I am hoping that with the luck of the Irish I may actually get my hands on him..so to speak..(You know who you are and I am hoping )

But as for the rest of you…when you ask me the question of ” What am I looking for ?” It is ( and trust me on this as I speak for most women) NOT picture of your Dick!! Save it for someone you really intend to share it with.!!!


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